Don't Give Up
by In-Focus
Summary: Dean and Sam move in with there uncle Bobby. Dean thinks school will be like always, blending in but not really enjoying himself. That is until he meets Castiel. Castiel is alive but sometimes he doesn't really feel like he's living. School is hell, Home is hell. He wonders if life is worth it anymore. That is until he meets Dean. Just another high school au.
1. Just Another Day

_**Hey guys! This is my first fic so... yeah it might suck, but hey it also might not! **_

**_Warning! Self harm. _**

_**Song: Hurt by Johnny Cash **_

_**p.s. Feel free to point out any grammar/spelling mistakes :)**_

_**Love y'll! xoxoxo ENJOY! **_

* * *

_**I**_ awoke with a start when something slammed in to my face.

"Wake up you loser!" Someone shouted and then my room door slammed shut.

I sighed picking the book up off my face, that would have been Zachariah. He has been waking me up that way for the past three months. I'm pretty sure the books keep getting bigger too. Looking at the cover, I found that it was my old leather bound bible, now that's just wrong! Throwing a bible at someones face. I moaned rolling over in bed, pulling my covers up over my head I tried to borrow as far in as I could get.

After laying there for about five minutes my alarm went off loudly. Swearing I sat up and taped at my phone screen until it went quite. Sighing again I threw my covers off and put my feet to the ground. Running my hand over my face I tried to wipe the feeling of dread away. However I knew that it wouldn't go away, It never did, I lived in a consent state of dread. Rather it was from having to go to school or come home, neither option was good. Heaving myself up, off my bed I headed for the bathroom.

I could hear the shower running so I stopped and knocked on the door.

"Go away!"Anna shouted over the shower. It seemed that these days everyone was shouting at me. "I need to take a shower! Stop hogging the bathroom!" I yelled back, "Castiel! Don't yell!" my dad's voice boomed from down stairs. Sighing once again I walked back to my bedroom figuring I could live one day without a shower. Pulling out a par of black skinny jeans and a green long sleeve shirt, I stopped to look at my self in the mirror. Pulling my pajama shirt up, I examined the bruises on my back. Most were turning that ugly color of yellow old bruises did, but some were just coming into a vibrant purple and blue. I winced as I poked at one covering most of my ribs.

I pulled my shirt off over my head, wincing at the movement. I stepped out of my plaid pajama pants and was working my way into my skinny jeans when there was a knock on the door. "Who is it?" I called desperately searching for my shirt that had some how gotten lost in the covers on my bed.

"It's me." my brain instantly calmed down as it recognized Luke's voice. "Come on in." he was already turning the door nob by the time I had finished speaking. He stopped dead in his tracks as he saw my newest bruises. "Who the fuck did theses?" he asked looking like he was about to rip someone's head off. " Luke calm down it's nothing."

"Castiel you can't just let them do this to you! Bring it up with dad I'm sure he'll do something."

"Yeah, but what if he finds out why this is happening? In fact that's going to be the first question that comes out of he mouth. Plus it wont do any good, it'll just make it worse." I rambled on. My breath started to become quick and I looked up at Luke panicked.

"For fuck sakes Castiel calm down!" He said ruffly to get through to me. My breath quickened even more and Luke put a calming hand down on my shoulder. The weight somehow grounding me. I squeezed my eyes shut, took a deep breath and counted to three before releasing it. "Where's your meds?" he asked, walking over to my bedside table to search for them. "Drawer." I said well releasing a breath trying to calm myself. He walked back over and handed me my little white pill. I quickly took it from him and swallowed it down with out a farther thought.

After a few minutes of deep breaths I had calmed down enough to finish getting ready.

"We needed to do something! Even if it's not talking , but we have to do something! You nearly had another panic attache. That's the fifth time this week and it's only Wednesday!"

"Luke please just don-" I was interrupted by fits slamming in to my door multiple times "We have to leave soon get your ass down stairs!" this time it was Raphael. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath and counted to ten before I continued. "Don't worry about me, I'll be fine!"

"Well I damn hope so because your my favorite sibling." he said with a teasing smile. Standing from my bed he walked over and pulled me in to a hug, kissing my forehead as he pulled away. He smiled, "Take care of your self today! You know I'm always a phone call away."

"Thanks Luke!" I said with a smile. Pulling a hoddie on over my clothing, Pulling the sleeves down to cover the scars that littered my arms.

* * *

_I hurt myself today_

_To see if I still feel_

_I focus on the pain  
The only thing that's real_

_The needle tears a hole  
The old familiar sting  
Try to kill it all away  
But I remember everything_

* * *

POV: Dean.

* BANG, BANG, BANG.* Blinking awake, I sat up groggy.

"Dean, get your ass out of bed! We're going to be late!"

"What? What time is it?"

"Time to get a watch!" Sam yelled and then walked away laughing. I slid out of bed, grabbing my towel I walked to the bathroom. Turning the shower on hot, I stepped out of my underwear. Hissing as the hot water burned as it washed over my skin. Quickly washing my hair I then let the hot water run over me, taking with it the stress of once again starting at a new school. Hopefully It will be the last time. Sense dad moves around a lot because of his job, he sent us to stay with our uncle Bobby.

Bobby isn't our real uncle. He's a close family friend, that dad has known forever. They meet after Mom died. You see, when I was young we use to live in Lawrence. But when my mom died dad started moving us around. He got a job as a bounty hunter so we have to go where the job takes him.

"Dean... get out of the shower!" Sam wined, "I want to start this right! And that means not being late!" Rolling my eyes I turned off the shower. Instantly missing the warmth. Walking back to my room I grabbed the clothes I had picked out last night. My old Led Zeppelin t-shirt and a par of skinny jeans that seemed to fit just right without being to tight.

I ran down the stairs two at a time, skipping the last three I landed heavily on my feet.

"There you are!" Sam said rolling his eyes. "Ready to go bitch?" I said grabbing a piece of buttered toast of the plate that was in front of him. "Jerk!" Sam Sighed, stood, grabbed his backpack and walked out to my baby a 1967 Chevy impala .

"Be safe you two! I expect you both back in one piece." Bobby said

"yep" I mumbled as I grabbed my keys and walked out the door.

Sam was waiting in the car, practically vibrating with excitement. I smiled as I saw how nervous and excited he was. I wish I could give a shit like he does. I started the car and Ramble On came blasting through the car speakers. Sam jumped cursing, he yelled at me to turn it down, Laughing I turned it down a few still keeping it loud enough to drown out my thoughts.

Sam was quite and wouldn't stop moving the whole ride to his school. Turning down the music I told him "you'll be fin," I added a comforting smile at the end. "But what if I nobody likes me. What if I don't make friends and I'm all alone, what if my teachers are mean. What if I get lost and I'm late to all my classes"

"Oh stop it with the what if's. They aren't going to get you anywhere. You'll make friends you always do."

"Yeah but that's just because we never stay so if I screw up it doesn't even matter."

"Just be your self and it'll all be okay." I rested a hand on his shoulder and tried to get him to relax. "Hey, at least you don't have gym first." I tried to joke. It had worked, he cracked a smile and gave me a sympathetic look. "yeah I know right! It's just ridiculous to be new student and be put in gym first thing on Monday morning."

I pulled into the parking lot and parked my baby. Walking into the school, everyone's head seemed to snap in my direction. Cold herd eyes staring at me. Holding back a shiver that tempted to run down my spine, I gave an easy lade back smile. The girls eyes were full of want and the guys stared jealously. Walking to the gym I went to talk to the couch.

After a brief conversation he nodded his head in the direction of the locker rooms. As I went to turn the corner to walk into the boys locker room there was a sudden force and I found myself stumbling backwards. Looking up to curse at the person to watch where they were walking (even though I'm probably the one who needed to be watching) I found myself staring into a set of blue eyes.

* * *

_What have I become  
My sweetest friend  
Everyone I know  
Goes away in the end_

_And you could have it all  
My empire of dirt  
I will let you down  
I will make you hurt_

* * *

POV: Castiel.

*Thud * I was knocked backwards into the wall. Cursing as something pointy dug in between my bruised ribs. Looking up at a dirty blond, green eyed boy, I flinched waiting for the blow. "Sorry," I mumbled quickly trying to discourage a full on beating. As soon as the guy looked up, our eyes met, green to blue. He seemed ready for a fight, the longer he stared at me the more nervous I became. His posture seemed to relax, he bent down to grab his bag that he had dropped. This was my moment, if I was to escape a beating I had to leave. Now! Springing into action I quickly bent down grabbing my discarded bag by the strap, Mumbling another "sorry" I brushed past him and practically ran away.

Walking past the gym teacher I headed for the door. "Mr. Novak, you leave now and you will be back here in detention after school." Mr. Roman voice chased after me. I really couldn't bring myself to care. I headed straight for the closest bathroom. Gasping for air in front of the mirror, I looked up into my reflection. I looked tired like I hadn't slept in weeks. Which was mostly true. My hair was a mess and stuck up in every direction. Sighing I ran a hand through my hair trying to tame it. It was a fitful attempt that if anything made it worse. I walked over to the wall, letting myself slid down it until I found myself siting on the floor, and that's when the tears started to come, and once they started I couldn't stop them.

When the bell rang alerting me of second period I pulled myself up off the floor and straitened my clothes. Pulling the sleeves of my sweatshirt down covering almost all the way over my finger tips, I walked of to my next class. My days were spent avoiding the people that will actually notice me and trying as hard as possible in class.

I was walking to my lunch spot- because I didn't dare step foot in the cafeteria -when someone slammed into me from behind. Shoving me into the lockers. Hissing I turned to face my attacker. Looking into the long nosed face the belonged to Alastair I tried not to wimpier. Shoving me hard again my back slammed in to the locker's lock. Those where the worst. The left nasty little bruises that hurt for weeks.

A fist slammed into my face the force causing my head to bounce back of the locker. Blood ran down my face from my nose.

"Hey freak!" Alastair sneered,

"Would you leave me alone?! Please!" I nearly begged.

"And why would I do that?"

"What have I ever done to you?"

"What. Have. You. Done." He said punctuating each word with a punch to the ribs. I gasped as he hit my already bruised ribs.

"Think, Novak. Think." he punched me full on in the stomach. I crumpled to the floor with a cry. He kicked me again and then walked off.

I pushed myself up into a sitting position. Wincing, I put a hand to my ribs and leaned against the lockers. I closed my eyes and focused on breathing through the pain. I don't know how long I had been sitting there when a voice interrupted my thoughts.

"Are you okay?" My eyes shot open and I found myself staring into the same green eyes that landed me in detention. I let out an embarrassing squeak and struggled to my feet. My world started to tip, my stomach lurched and I started to fall forwards.

"Whoa! Take it easy!" Green eyes caught me as I fell. Righting myself I looked at the ground.

"Thanks." I muttered, bending over to pick up my bag. I inhaled sharply.

"Are you okay?" He asked again.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I said through gritted teeth.

"You don't seam so fine."

"Look I said I'm fine so just fuck off." I growled at him. In a quick movement to get it over with I bent down and garbed my bag. Swinging it over my shoulder I went to walk away.

"Wait!" Green eyes said as I turned away.

"What do you want?" I demanded.

"Nothing." He mumbled and looked at the ground. Rolling my eyes I walked away.

* * *

_I wear this crown of thorns  
Upon my liars chair  
Full of broken thoughts  
I cannot repair_

_Beneath the stains of time  
The feelings disappear  
You are someone else  
I am still right here_

* * *

POV: Dean

_What was this guys pr__oblem? _I wondered to myself. I didn't do anything to him why was he acting so strange? I shrugged and tried to moved on with my day. However I found that my thoughts kept wondering back to the blue eyed boy. After lunch I walked into my chemistry class. And what do you know the only seat left was the one right next to blue eyes.

"Why hello! You must be Dean," A sweet voice said. Turning towards the voice I smiled at the older women. "Yes," She turned to the class and cleared her throat "class this is Dean Winchester, is there anything you would like to say to the class?" I shook my head, "Alright then, Dean you can take a seat in the back next to Castiel."

I gave a quick smile and then headed to the back. "_Castiel... hum that's an interesting name. I'm guessing it has to be religious." _ Sitting down I offered one of my killer smiles at Castiel. He turned his head and focused back on the book he was reading. "Hey, I'm Dean." I tried again to get his attention. He looked up at me briefly but without saying a word went back to reading. _"Gee what is this guys problem?" _Sighing I pulled out my notebook and a pencil and waited for the lesson to begin.

After a quick run through of the classes plan we started a lab. "Everyone find a partner. We now have an even number so everyone should have a partner. "Hey, wanna be my partner?" I asked Castiel,

"Alright," My head snapped up and I stared at him, his deep voice taking me by surprise. "You know your going to have to talk." I tried to joke. "I will talk when necessary" he murmured at his notebook. The data sheets were being passed around and when someone got to handing one to Castiel they dropped it on the floor instead. I herd him sigh before the paper even hit the ground. Bending down I picked up the sheet before he could. "Here," I said simply putting it on his desk. "Thanks." We were doing some kind of lab with popcorn. Looking down at what we needed, I stood up and went to grab everything.

When I came back Castiel started to set up the lab while I read through the procedure. We got everything set and then we had to wait fifteen minutes for the popcorn to pop.

"So... Castiel? Are you religious or something?"

"Yes, my parents more so then me. My dad is head of the local church" he sated simply.

"Wow, You go to church often?"

"Every Sunday," he started to scribble in his notebook for a moment before he stopped and looked up at me. I raised an eyebrow at him. "Do you go to church?" I gave a nervous laugh, " Ah, no I don't," He nodded once and then went back to writing whatever it was he was writing. "So where did a name like Castiel come from?" I asked out of the blue. "I am named after the angel of Thursday."

"Interesting, were you born on a Thursday?"

"Yes I was or else I would be named after a different angle." I started to laugh, and he smiled. God his smile was the pretest thing I have seen I a long time (other then his eyes). _Jesus Dean what the fuck is wrong with you!? You just meet this guy! And he's a guy! You don't think about guys like that! You are not gay! _

"I think we might be burning our popcorn..." he said braking me out of my thoughts. I looked up at our lab and sure enough there was smoke coming out of the cover.

"I think you might be right..." we exchanged a look and then I started to laugh. He gave a quiet chuckle that came with another one of those smiles. He reached forward, garbed the tongs and pulled the cover off of the container. More smoke and a burning smell came out of it. Mrs. Tran came over to us and looked at our popcorn. "Boys, I think you may have burnt it." I laughed again rubbing the back of my head. Castiel stood up and peered inside, "Yeah..." he tried to dump out the popcorn and a only a little bit of ash cam out. "try again." Mrs. Tran said with a chuckle before walking away. I stood up and took the container out of Castiel's hands and went to wash it.

* * *

_And you could have it all  
My empire of dirt  
I will let you down  
I will make you hurt_

_If I could start again  
A million miles away  
I will keep myself  
I would find a way_

* * *

POV: Castiel

I watched as Dean walked away to wash the popcorn out of the container. Why was he so okay talking to me? He must have herd some of the rumors by now. I almost forgot that I couldn't get close. I had to shut myself down and lock him on the outside. Every one will leave in the end. That doesn't change.

Shaking the thoughts out of my head I started to set up the lab again. When Dean came back I put new popcorn in the container and went back to finishing my homework for Lit class. "So... Why do you think it burned?" Dean asked, "We left it to long." I stated. This was the most I had talked to someone outside my family or a teacher In long time and it needed to stop.

The second time we got the popcorn to actually pop. When class was over I quickly stood and gathered my stuff. If I rushed I could beat Alastair and his goons to my next class. I started to walk away when I herd Dean call out to me, "Castiel! Wait!" I continued to walk away but was paying to much attention to what Dean said to step over the foot that was thrown out in front of me. Tripping on god only knows who's leg, I stumbled and tried to catch my balance again. However my balance ran far and fast and I could not catch it, so I went flying and slid across the classroom floor. The class all laughed and Mrs. Tran hushed them, But they continued to laugh. Quickly gathering my books that had fallen out of my bag I ran out the door.

Walking into the closest guys bathroom and shut and looked the door. Rummaging through my bag until I found what I was looking for, what I desperately needed. Pulling out the razor blade I took a deep breath. Felling the anxiety calm I rolled up my sleeve and lined the blade up with my wrist. Pushing the blade in and dragging it across, the whole world seemed to disappear and suddenly I was back in control. Repeating this action three more times my breathing came back to normal and every thing didn't seam so bad. Looking down I watched blood drip off my arm, something that would have anyone else worried and it calmed me. Walking over to the sink I washed my arm and pressed a paper towel on the cuts, hissing as the stinging began. Rolling down my sleeve I picked up my discarded messenger bag, put the blade back in, slung it over my shoulder and walked off to my next class.


	2. You Found Me

**_Hey guys! So this ones a little longer then my first chapter but I went with it. I hope you're enjoying the story so far! :) Also I just wanted to let people know that i'm home schooled so if school is nothing like I described soooorrryyyy! The song I picked for this chapter i'm not totally happy with but I couldn't find another one so I use this one, I hope it fits well enough. _**

**_Warning! Self harm, Bullying, homophobic people._**

**_Song: You fond me by THE FRAY _**

_**p.s. Feel free to point out any grammar/spelling mistakes :)**_

**_Love y'll xoxoxo ENJOY! _**

* * *

_I found God  
On the corner of First and Amistad  
Where the west  
Was all but won  
All alone  
Smoking his last cigarette  
I said, "Where you been?"  
He said, "Ask anything". _

* * *

POV: Dean

I watched as Castiel tripped on some guys leg. For a second I thought he had regained his balance but then he was skidding across the floor. "Castiel!" I exclaimed, I don't know If he didn't hear me or if he just didn't respond because he got up and grabbed his books and ran out the door. I gathered my stuff quickly, grabbed the book he had forgot on the floor and ran out after him. When I got into the hallway he was no where to be seen. I tucked the book into my bag thinking that I would give it back to him latter.

I tried to focus in my math class but couldn't. The problems made no sense because my mind kept wondering away. I'll I wanted to do was go find Castiel and see if he was okay. It looked like he hit the ground hard. I don't know what's up with him but there was just something off. I snapped back to reality when the teacher called my name. "What?" I said and the students around me chuckled. "Can you give me the answer Mr. Winchester?"

"Um... 7?" I said pulling a random number out of my ass. This time the students broke out into laughter.

"Nice try," Ms. Naomi smiled to sweetly, "Mr. Winchester please do us all a favor and pay attention in class."

"Maybe I would if you class was more interesting." I couldn't help my self from saying.

"Mr. Winchester!" She exclaimed, A blond girl a few rows over looked back at me and gave me an approving look. "That comment has just landed you in detention on your first day!"

"Fuck." I muttered under my breath.

"What was that?" Ms. Naomi asked.

"Nothing,"

"Well let's hope your learn some manners or you'll be spending an awful lot of time in detention." rolling my eyes I looked down at my notebook and copied some of the problems down from the board. Sitting through the rest of the class was painful. I had to stay focused because that bitch of a teacher kept asking me random ass questions.

As soon as the bell rang I was out the door. Ms. Naomi yelling at me to go to the gym after school. Sighing in frustration I sent a text to Sam saying that I was going to be late home and that Bobby would pick him up. Letting Bobby know that he need to pick Sam up I walked to my locker. Shoving my bag in I grabbed my book for history and walked to history class.

After history I went to my locker and put my book away, took my bag out and shoved everything I may need to do my homework in it, then I went to the gym for detention. When I got there Mr. Roman was waiting, "Ah, Mr. Winchester I was told you would be joining us."

"What are we doing?"

"You and Castiel are going to be cleaning the boys locker room."

"Castiel?" I questioned, for some reason the idea of being stuck here seemed to get a lot better.

"Yes. You herd me right Winchester." Right then Castiel walked in.

* * *

_Where were you  
When everything was falling apart?  
All my days  
Were spent by the telephone  
That never rang  
And all I needed was a call  
That never came  
To the corner of First and Amistad_

* * *

POV: Castiel

I walked into the gym and Dean was standing there next to Mr. Roman. They both stopped talking and stared at me. I walked over and Mr. Roman told me what we were going to be doing.

"Here you go," he said handing us cleaning supplies, "And don't be slaking I'll be right over there and I'm going to come in randomly to check on you." Walking over to the locker room I started to wonder how this day could get worse and that's when Dean interrupted my thoughts. "So... how about we work together?" He said putting the cleaning supplies down, "That way things go twice as fast." he rushed as an after thought. I shrugged my shoulders, "We could start on the showers at either end and meet in the middle." He said

"Whatever works." I said grabbing a rag and spray bottle. I walked down to the end and started to scrub the shower, telling myself that the faster I worked the faster I would be done even though I know that wasn't true.

When Dean and I meet in the middle he started talking, "So are you okay? It looked like you took a pretty hard fall in chem."

"I'm fine Dean," _Liar, _

_ "_Are you sure?"

"Dean I'm sure." He quieted down for a bit and we scrubbed the showers. They were actually cleaner then I was expecting. "Why don't you roll up your sleeves? You're getting them all wet." My heart stopped in my chest and I felt the panic rise up my throat. _He knows, he knows, he knows! _"Um... there already wet. What's the point?" I tried to seem nonchalant. "Well you could always prevent them from getting more wet." shrugging I tried to change the subject. "So... how did you get detonation?"

"Oh, I back talked a teacher. How about you? I took you as the type to never get detonation."

"I walked out of gym class this morning."

"Oh, yeah, sorry by the way," When I looked up at him confused he continued "For running into you,"

"Oh! That was totally my fault! I should be the one apologizing!"

"Don't be silly I was the one that need to watch where I was going."

Dean and I continued to talk, He made me forget. Forget that I can't get close, forget that everyone leaves, forget home, forget school, forget my bruises, forget my cuts, forget everything. That was until Mr. Roman came in.

"Alright boys, your done, you can go home." Dean stood up and brushed off his jeans. That was when I realized that non of this was real. I have to go home, to my dad, to my brothers, That I have a shit ton of home work, that I have to pretend to be fine. It hit me like a million bricks.

"What's wrong? Don't you want to get out of here? I know I do! " Dean asked, and here it is the start of more lies. "Nothing." I stood and grabbed my cleaning supplies. I put them away and then went to grab my bag from where I put it by the door to the locker room. Dean was getting his bag, "Can I walk you out?" I gave a small smile and nodded once, "Sure." I whispered.

"Hey, so I was thinking that sense I don't really know any one around here that maybe we could eat lunch together tomorrow? That is if you don't eat with anyone else."

"That sounds nice Dean, There's just one thing, We can't eat in the cafeteria."

"Yeah sure, wherever you eat is fine" He said with a smile.

* * *

_Lost and insecure  
You found me, you found me  
Lyin' on the floor  
Surrounded, surrounded  
Why'd you have to wait?  
Where were you? Where were you?  
Just a little late  
You found me, you found me_

* * *

POV: Dean

I walked out to my baby smiling that I was going to eat lunch with Castiel. I don't know what It was but there was something about him that just, he just seemed right to be around. I stroked baby's hood as I walked to the drivers side. My smile brightened as I turned her on and she growled and then came to a purr. Blasting music poured out of the speaker. I turned it up rolling and my window down. Then I speed down road towards Bobby's.

This could be good! As long as I don't screw up to bad. I'm staying here until I graduate in two years. I'm making friends, I could get good grades and maybe get into a collage. Maybe I could even get a girlfriend that could last more then three weeks.

I pulled into the drive way and parked. I walked to the front door with a skip in my step. Throwing open the door I dropped my keys on the table. "I'm home!" I called, god I don't know how long I have wanted to do that in an actually house and not some cheesy motel. Sam looked up from his homework that was spread all over the dining table.

"Where have you been?" Bobby asked coming in from the study.

"Detention." I stated. "So Sam, how was your first day?"

"No, Dean your not getting off that easy." Bobby said.

"Oh come on! I took care of Sam and I for years and we're doing fine!"

"You live under my roof that means you live under my rules!"

"But-"

"Don't argue with me boy!" Bobby raised his voice over mine.

"Fine."

"Now, why did you get detention?"

"I talked back to a teacher."

"Idjit." he said shaking his head and walking back into the study.

"Any way, Sam, how was your first day?"

"It was great! I meet this really cool group. They were all really nice and totally welcomed me in! A lot of them are all really in to there classes like me! They even have there own study group! They invited me to come and join them! Can I go Dean? Can I go?"

"Of course Sammy!" I said with a laugh. "What do you want for dinner?"

"Bobby said he would get us Chinese takeout. He said that was what he always got on the first day of school."

"Cool! Well then I'm going to go do some homework and work on unpaking my room some more." Sam nodded once and then went back to studying.

I got up to my room and flopped down on my bed! Smiling as excited energy flooded my body. I had a freaking good day for no reason at all other then meeting this one kid who didn't even seam that interested in talking to me. Getting up to start my homework I reached in to my bag and pulled out Castiel's book. Swearing at myself for forgetting to give it back to him. _There's always tomorrow._ I thought to myself. Looking down at the book I discovered that it was actually a sketch book. Putting it back in to my bag I lied back down on my bed. I found my eyes drifting closed. I Gave in with the thought of I'll just close my eyes for a few minutes.

* * *

_In the end  
Everyone ends up alone  
Losing her  
The only one who's ever known  
Who I am  
Who I'm not, who I wanna be  
No way to know  
How long she will be next to me_

* * *

POV: Castiel

Dean walked me out of the school and then walked off to his car. I looked around and found exactly what I thought I would. My brothers left without even telling me. Pulling out my phone I dialed in Luke's number. On the third ring he picked up.

"Hey Cassie, wassup?"

"Hi, are you around? Raph, Anna and Gab left me here again."

"I'm sorry Cassie I can't pick you up right now, I'm at work. I can come after if you want. It'll be about two hours."

"It's okay Luke I can walk."

"Cassie, it's like a forty five minute walk!"

"It's all good, I've walked before."

"I'm sorry. See you at home tonight?"

"Yeah sure,"

"We still hanging out tonight?"

"Yeah, sounds good."

"Talk to you latter Cassie."

"Good bye Luke." I hung up the phone and started my long walk home.

When I finely got home I stood out side of the door for a minute. I took a deep breath and then turned the door nob and walked in. The second I walked through the door my dad called for me, "Castiel get in here!" regretting my choice not to wait for Luke I walked into the the living room. "Castiel, where have you been?'

"Sorry father, I walked home today."

"Why?"

"I wanted to do a little extra studying"

"Castiel. Do not lie to me!"

"I'm sorry father."

"I don't think you are. Go to your room now!"

"Yes father." I said already turning to go to my room. I ran up the stairs two at a time and when I got to the top Raph was standing there.

"Hey loser, How was your nice long walk home?"

"Fuck off Raphael."

"Castiel! Don't use that language in my house!" my dad yelled from downstairs. Raphael smirked at my and then slammed one of his hands into my ribs. I gasped and Raph laughed at me. I pushed him off of me and walked to my room still struggling to breath from the pain shooting through my body. When I finely made it to my room and gently lied down on my bed. I ran a hand through my hair and the tears started to come. My dad know I had skipped classes, I let Dean get way to close. why did I always fail? It's not that hard to push someone away. Yet I always seem to fail! For fucks sakes Castiel all you have to do is push people away! Just don't talk to him and he'll get bored. They always do. My cat Nestle jumped up on my bed and mewed at me. I took my hand off my face and started to scratch his head. He started to purr and push into my hand. He always seemed to calm me down some.

As soon as Luke got home he came up and poked his head into my room.

"Hey Cassie, how's it goin'?"

"I don't really wanna talk right now Luke."

"Cassie..." Luke said coming in and shutting my door. He sat down on my bed and looked down at me. "What's wrong Cassie?"

"I said I don't wanna talk!"

"You know talking will help."

"I know-" I started to cry again and then I started to sob and then there was no getting myself back under control. Luke pulled his shoes off and laid down next to me. I turned onto my side and buried my face into his shoulder.

"Hey, hey Cassie, it can't be that bad."

"I-i-i-it's n-n-ot..." I stumbled through speaking.

"What happened?" Luke was very patient and waited well I calmed down. He rubbed my back and Nestle came and lied down beside me.

"Nothing really, just dad knows I've been skipping classes and I just had a hard day."

"I know more happened."

"Well it's just Alistair Gave me some trouble and then when I got home Raph was being a jerk"

"What did he do."

"Nothing really."

"Don't lie to me Cassie."

"He just slammed a hand in to the bruise on my side."

"I. Am. Going. To. Kill. Him!" Luke nearly shouted. He stood abruptly and walked out of my room slamming the door.

"Wait! Luke!" I yelled after him but it was to late.

"What the hell were you thinking!" I herd him yell from down the hall. I got up and peaked out of my door. Luke was yelling at Raph.

"What do you want Lucifer!" Raph yelled at Luke.

"If you fucking touch Castiel again I will kill you!"

"I didn't touch him! He went after me!"

"Does Castiel seem like the kind of person to go after you? No I didn't think so!" at that Michel came out of his room.

"What the hell is going on out here!"

"Luke is yelling at me for no reason!" Raph said playing the victim.

"Lucifer, I will not put up with this crap from you any longer!" Michel screamed at Luke. Then my dad came up. And that was how our night went. I hid in my room well Luke, Michel and Father fought. Of course Michel was on Raph's side and my dad instantly took Michel's side which left Luke fighting against the both of them.

* * *

Lost and insecure_  
_You found me, you found me_  
_Lyin' on the floor_  
_Surrounded, surrounded_  
_Why'd you have to wait?_  
_Where were you? Where were you?_  
_Just a little late_  
_You found me, you found me

* * *

POV: Dean

"Dean, Dean, Wake up!" I sat up in a rush and then rolled of my bed. With a thud I hit the floor and Sam started laughing at me.

"What? What do you want from me?" I snapped at him.

"it's dinner time!" Sam said and ran out of my room. I rolled my eyes and got up off the floor. I walked downstairs and sure enough dinner was here. Bobby, Sam and I all sat down in front of the T.V. After filling our plates with food. Then Bobby put on some documentary about something supernatural. Sam and I happily sat through the entire thing feasting ourselves of Chinese food. When I was done eating I ran up to my room to grab my homework and then came back down and spread out on the floor and did my homework well Sam read and bobby did paper works.

The next morning I awoke with plenty of time. I took a quick shower and got dressed. Going through my bag I made sure all of my stuff was ready. I saw Castiel's sketch book again. I pulled it out and looked at the smooth black cover. It was tempting to look through it but I slipped it back into my bag and went downstairs. Popping some toast in the toaster I made myself some coffee. I ate my toast and then it was time for Sam and I to leave.

"Sam stop fixing your hair and get your ass down here! Were going to be late!" I yelled up the stairs. Sam came thudding down the stairs and ran out the door to the impala.

Pulling into the high school parking lot, I parked my baby. I was walking into the school when I saw a car pulling in, I didn't think to much of it, until I saw Castiel step out. He was followed by a red head girl and then a goofy brown haired boy who was sucking on a lollipop. I smiled as I saw a tall male step out of the car and sling an arm around Castiel. And then the next thing I knew Castiel's brother pushed him hard enough to make him fall from the ground. The one that had pushed him started to laugh, The red haired girl looked down at him but kept walking. The brown haired boy looked back at him with a concerned look on his face but kept walking with his siblings. I walked over to Castiel.

"Hey, you okay?"

"Ah, yeah." He said standing and brushing himself off.

"What happened."

"I'm just a freaking klutz." Castiel said to quickly to be ture.

"That's not really what it looked like."

"Don't worry about it Dean."

"So, can I walk you to class?"

"I would love that." he said with a smile. I smiled back at him. When he bent down to get his bag he flinched and put a hand on his side. I bent down, grabbed his bag and handed it to him. He gave me a thankful smile and then we walked off to his first class.

* * *

_Early morning  
The city breaks  
I've been callin'  
For years and years and years and years  
And you never left me no messages  
Ya never send me no letters  
You got some kinda nerve  
Taking all I want_

* * *

POV: Castiel

Stupid, stupid, stupid! Why did you let him walk you to class? Are you that dumb? Wow Castiel just wow. I berated myself all through my first class. I was walking to my third period when I ran into Alistair in the hallway.

"Hey! It's Cassie!"

"Fuck off Alistair!"

"Shut up! I didn't tell you that you could talk!"

"You don't tell me when I can talk."

"Yes I do!" he said getting in my face.

"Back off!" he laughed in my face and slammed me backwards. I stumbled to catch my balance.

"You need to shut up! Or you might turn someone else gay!"

"I didn't turn him gay!" I yelled in his face. He slammed both hands in to my shoulder and I stumbled backwards again. I almost had my balance when I took that one more step backwards- that I need to regain it- and I found there was nothing there. My breath caught in my throat in fear and then I started to fall down the stairs.

I sat at the bottom of the stairs in a LOT of pain. Everything was throbbing and my head felt a little weird. Taking a breath I heaved myself off the ground on to shaky legs. Steadying myself on the wall I walked off to my next class.

I was walking to meet Dean for lunch at the entrance to the library where we had agreed to meet the day before. When Alistair interrupted me. He, Raphael, and Azazel cornered me. Each one took a turn punching me in the ribs before they walked off .Breathing heavily I stumbled into the boys bathroom that I was near. _God I don't know what I would do with out theses. _ I looked at my reflection in the mirror to see that I had gained a black eye from my lovely trip down the stairs, my face was stand from tears. I sat down on the floor and leaned against a wall. Pulling my sweatshirts sleeves down over my finger tips I pressed the palm of my hands in to my eyes. My whole freaking body hurt, and all I felt like doing was going to sleep and never waking up.

* * *

_Lost and insecure  
You found me, you found me  
Lyin' on the floor  
Where were you? Where were you?  
Lost and insecure  
You found me, you found me  
Lyin' on the floor  
Surrounded, surrounded  
Why'd you have to wait?  
Where were you? Where were you?  
Just a little late  
You found me, you found me  
Why'd you have to wait?  
To find me, to find me_

* * *

POV: Dean

I was at my locker taking out the books I need for my next class when a blond haired girl skipped up to me.

"Hello, I'm Jo, I'm in your math class."

"Hey, I'm Dean," I said offering her a hand. She shook it with a surprisingly strong grip.

"I have been waiting for someone to tell Ms. Naomi off for god knows how long!"

"Well I'm glad I could do that for you." I said with a wink.

"Hey, you should come sit with me and my friends at lunch!"

"I would love to but I already have plans."

"Okay, well if they don't work out then just come find us!" she said with a pleasant little smile and then skipped away again.

I waited for Castiel for fifteen minutes before I gave up and started to walk towards the cafeteria. I don't know what this guys problem was but I was kinda tired of his constant mood swings. Like one minute he was happy and talking and the next he was no where to be found. When I walked into the cafeteria Jo spotted me and waved me over.

"Hey." I said with a smile.

"Hi, did your plans not work out." I shrugged, "Guess so."

"Hey guys, this is Dean, he's in my math class. He's the one I was telling you about. The one that stood up to Ms. Naomi. Dean this is Ash, Charlie, Chuck, Keven, Adam, and Pam." They all briefly acknowledge my presents before they went back to their heated discussion about harry potter.

After lunch I had a little time so I decided to walk around. I past one of the boys bathrooms and decided to make a quick pit stop before I head to my next class. When I walked into the bathroom I was greeted with a surprising sight. Castiel was about as small as a person could get tucked into a corner of the bathroom crying. I didn't know what to do, I mean I barely know this guy, I met him yesterday! I could just shut the door and pretend that I didn't see him but something about that just felt wrong. So instead I walked over to him, knelt down in front of him and but a comforting hand on his shoulder. He jumped and looked up surprised.

I was shocked when he looked up and his eye's were even bluer- I mean how I was that even possible- and then my eyes landed on the black bruise that I could tell was still developing.

"What the hell happened to you?"

"Please don't yell, headache."

"Yeah, alright., Come on Cas lets get you out of here."

"Cas?" he questioned my use of a nick name.

"Come on man don't make me say you whole name all the time. It's freaking long and hard to say!" I said with a smile.

"No, I like it!" He smiled up at me. I took his hand and pulled him to his feet. He lost his balance and fell forwards into my chest. "I think I'm just going to stay here for a sec." he mumbled pressing his face into my neck. I gave a nervous chuckle but put a hand on his back and rub my hand in soothing patterns. When he stood up on his own I immediately found myself missing his body being so close to mine. "Come on." I said taking his hand.

"Where are we going?"

"To my house. You need to rest."

"But class." He argued pathetically,

"We can go another day. Right now I don't think you would make it through class. And our next one is chem and it could be pretty dangerous to fall asleep in chem."

"True."

"To my house it is?'

"Yeah, sounds good." He said with a smile. I pulled him forward by the hand, when he stumbled I put an arm around his shoulders and pulled him tight to me. We walked out to the impala and I drove us back to my house with Cas mostly asleep on my shoulder yet tears were still falling.


	3. By My Side

**_Hey guys! Okay, so I know I just did a song by the fray but I literately couldn't find a better one! I looked for over an hour trying to find one! When I first started writing this fic I thought it would be fun to have a song for every chapter. The song for the first chapter worked really well but now I'm having a hard time finding songs that fit with the chapters, so just bear with me! _**

**_I was going to have this be a happy chapter but that didn't really happen... SOOOORRRYYYY!_**

**_Warning! Domestic violence, Self harm, Bullying, Homophobic people. _**

**_Song: Happiness by The Fray. _**

_**p.s. Feel free to point out any grammar/spelling mistakes :)**_

_**Love y'll! Xoxoxo ENJOY! **_

* * *

_Happiness is just outside my window_

_Would it crash blowing 80-miles an hour?_

_Or is happiness a little more like knocking_

_On your door, and you just let it in?_

* * *

POV: Dean

I parked the impala outside of Bobby's house and tried to shake Cas awake.

"Come on Cas, wake the hell up!" I said after what felt like forever, "Don't make me carry you!" I grabbed his shoulder and shook him hard.

"Hmm? What?" He said blinking awake. His eyes met mine and the only thing I could see was panic. He shoot across the impala and fumbled with the door handle.

"Whoa! Cas calm down! It's just me." He didn't calm, He finely manged to get the door open and it dumped him out onto the ground. I herd him hiss with pain and I jumped into action. Pushing my door open I ran over to the other side of the impala. "Cas, Cas are you okay?" I didn't know if he was okay, he was laying on his back and just breathing.

"Where am I?" He gasped.

"What?" I asked confused,

"Where am I?" he repeated looking around frantically.

"Your at my house..." I said slowly,

"Oh." He said seeming to calm down some.

"Come on Cas, lets get you inside." He nodded and offered him my hand to help him up. He visibly flinched but he then reached up and took my hand. I pulled him to his feet and he gasped and rested a hand lightly on his side.

"You okay?" I seemed to be asking him that a lot. He looked at me, He didn't just look, He stared into my eyes like he was searching my sole for something. I kept my eyes locked on his. Whatever he was looking for he seemed to find because he simply shook his head.

"Come on lets get you inside."

He followed me into the house. I lead him into the family room and sat him down on the sofa.

"You want to talk about it?" I asked sitting down in front of him on the coffee table. He shook his head again and pulled down the sleeves to his sweatshirt.

"That's okay, I'm not a big feelings guy anyway." I moved and sat down next to him. I was close enough to offer comfort but not to close. I switched on the TV and flipped to some random channel. Cas shifted closer to me and rested his head on my shoulder. He seemed to tense up so I placed a on his knee and gently squeezed. He relaxed and nestled in closer. Cas soon drifted off and I spent the next hour watching him sleep more then watching the TV.

* * *

_Happiness feels a lot like sorrow_

_Let it be, you can't make it come or go_

_But you are gone- not for good but for now_

_Gone for now feels a lot like gone for good_

* * *

POV: Castiel

I woke up to the sound of people laughing and talking. For a second I thought that I was younger and I had fallen asleep on the sofa during Friday movie night and the voice I was hearing were my family. Then I thought that maybe I had fallen asleep in class and people were laughing at me. But when I opened my eyes I found that nether of these were true. I was in a strange living room, the voices I was hearing, only one was familiar. I looked around somemore and found that I was lying on Dean's sofa. I herd footsteps walking towards me.

"Hey Cas you awake?" Dean asked me. I sat up pulling my sleeves over my fingers and whipped a hand across my face.

"wha-" My voice cracked, I cleared my throat before I tried again. "What time is it?"

"Um... ten past seven."

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" I exclaimed. I stood up and got really dizzy. I stood for a moment swaying back and forth. I thought I had regained my balance and took a steep forward. That's when black over took my vision and I tipped forward. Strong arms caught me. "Jesus Cas! What the hell is wrong with you!"

"Nothin' Just got a bit dizzy."

"That's the second time that's happened today! Do you think I could have something to do with this?" Dean asked lightly placing a hand on the bruise on my face.

"No, trust me Dean it has nothing to do with that." I said standing on my own.

"Then what is it? Normal people don't fall over when they stand up."

"Dean just don't worry about it okay!" I said walking off to get my phone out of my bag.

"Fine." Dean mumbled following behind me. I got to my bag and pulled my phone out. Panic rose up through my body when I saw I had five missed texts and three missed calls. I quickly went to my missed calls, two were from my dad and one was from Luke. I then checked my texts, Three were from Luke and the other two were from Gabe. I read the ones from Luke first.

'Cassie, where are you? Are you okay?'

'Cassie? Father wants to know where you are? I guess he tried to call you. Answer your god damn phone!'

'Castiel answer you fucking phone you've got me worried!'

The next one was from Gabe

'I don't know where you are and I don't really care but things are super tense here and you need to at least tell Luke that your okay, he's freaking out!'

'All hell's broken loss. I'm scared!' _Fuck! _I checked the time from the last one, It was over an hour ago. I immediately pressed call and put my phone to my ear.

"Cas you okay?" Dean asked me. I shrugged my shoulders and listened to the ringing. Every ring making my panic double.

"Castiel?" Gabe whispered into the phone.

"Gabe! Thank god! Are you okay? What's going on? Why are you whispering?"

" It's not good here. Michael and Luke are at each others throats and fathers went to church! I'm worried Michel is going to hit Luke!" Gabe said sounding like a small child,

"it's alright! Is Anna home?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, go knock on her door, Tell her your scared. She'll let you in."

"Alright..."

"Go do that now, I wanna talk to her."

"Okay." I herd footsteps and then a knock, "Anna I'm scared!" Anna hushed him and the door shut. "Hey Gabe you there?" I asked

"Yeah, here's Anna."

"Anna? What the hell is going on!?"

"Castiel... It's not good! It's really bad." I herd a smash and then Anna spoke up again. "I gotta go! Someone's coming up stairs."

"Anna lock your door! I'll be home shortly. Don't let them in! Either of them!"

"Please hurry!" I could hear the tears in her voice and I know it must be really bad...

* * *

_Happiness is a firecracker sitting on my headboard_

_Happiness was never mine to hold_

_Careful child, light the fuse and ge__t away_

_'Cause happiness throws a showe__r of sparks_

* * *

POV: Dean

"I gotta go check on Cas." I said excusing myself from the conversation with Sam and Bobby. I walked into the family room, "Hey Cas you awake?" I asked quietly not wanting to wake him if he wasn't already awake. He sat up and whipped a hand over his face. "Wha-" He cleared his throat, "What time is it?" He asked his voice deeper then normal and laced with sleep

"Um..." I looked over at the clock that I could barely see, "Ten past seven."

"Shit! Shit! Shit!" he chanted. He stood up quickly and I watched as he swayed back and forth for about thirty seconds before his knees began to buckle. For the second time that day I launched forward and just barely caught him before he hit the ground. "Jesus Cas! What the hell is wrong with you?" I asked worry seeping into my voice.

"Nothin' Just got a bit dizzy." he mumbled.

"That's the second time that's happened today!" I thought for a minute before looking into his face and seeing the bruise that lay there. I gently placed my hand on his cheek letting my thumb rest lightly on the bruise, "Do you think it could have something to do with this?"

"No, trust me Dean it has nothing to do with that." He said pushing away from me and standing on his own. I watched him sway for a second and I thought he was going to tip over again. I placed my hands on either side of him without touching him so it would be easier to catch him.

"Then what is it? Normal people don't fall over when they stand up!" I asked more aggressive then I meant.

"Dean just don't worry about it okay!" he said walking away.

"Fine." I muttered under my breath following him. He went to his bag that he had left by the front door. I watched as his entire body changed when he pulled out his phone. Every time he pressed a button he seemed to get more panicked. He pressed one more and put the phone to his ear. "Cas you okay?" I asked worried. He got more and more anxious with every ring. "Gabe! Thank god! Are you okay? What's going on? Why are you whispering?" I reluctantly walked away to give him privacy. I tried not to over hear the conversation he was having knowing that it was supposed to be privet but I couldn't help but listen in. Worry rose in my gut as the conversation went on. It seemed that something was really wrong. When Cas stopped talking I walked back into the entrance way. My heart stopped in my chest when I saw his face.

"Cas what's wrong." he turned to me.

"Dean take me home."

"Yeah okay bud, Let me grab my keys." I walked off and grabbed my keys, jacket and wallet and walked back. "Come on let's go." Cas and I walked out to the impala and climbed in.

When we had pulled out of Bobby's driveway I asked Cas his address. He told me and then went back to looking out the window. "I couldn't help but over hear. Is everything okay?" I asked after we had been driving for a little while. Cas briefly looked at me and then shrugged his shoulders.

When we got to Cas' place he looked really scared. "You want me to come in with you?" I asked him. I actually wanted him to say yes. I felt like he was walking into something really bad and I didn't want him to have to go in there by himself.

"No, it's okay Dean. Thank you for the ride." He said pushing the door open and sliding out.

"No problem. See you in school."

I watched Cas walk up to the door. Once he was inside I was about to drive off when something stopped me. Maybe I would just wait five minutes and if something seemed wrong I would go check on him. Something in my gut told me to stay and I'm glad I listened to it.

* * *

_Happiness damn near destroys you_

_Breaks your faith to pieces on the fl__oor_

_So you tell yourself, that's enough f__or now_

_Happiness has a violent roar_

* * *

POV: Castiel

I left Dean's car and walked up to the door. Preparing myself for what might be on the other side I turned the nob and walked in. The site I was greeted with wasn't a pleasant one. The plant that normally sat on the table beside the front door was knocked over, pot broken, dirt everywhere. I picked up the lager part of the broken pot that still had the plant in it and placed it back on the table. I walked through the rest of the foyer and walked into the living room. My eyes searched around and landed on the bit of blood that was on the wall. I scanned the rest of the room to find that other glass things were broken and the coffee table had been knocked over. I made my way to the stairs and walked up them. I felt like I was walking through a war zone. The air was thick with tension and there was more blood on the stair railing. Father was not going to be happy.

When I finely made it to Anna's door I knocked lightly. "Anna? Gabe? It's me." I herd light footsteps run over to the door and the click of the lock unlocking then the door flow open and my arms were full of a sobbing Anna. I looked into the room, Gabe was curled up in the corner of the room. "Alright, shh it's okay Anna. Come on let's get inside." I shuffled Anna and I back inside her room and locked the door again.

"What's going on?" I asked, Anna still had here face buried in my neck and was crying softly.

"Michael and Lucifer got into a fight about you not being home." Gabe spoke up.

"Did they come in here?" I asked scanning Gabe for any injuries. Michel and Luke wouldn't hurt any of us -Well Luke wouldn't and Michael wouldn't touch Anna or Gabe- but when they get into a fight they don't really notice if they hurt someone. Gabe shook his head and I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

I placed my hands on Anna's shoulders and pushed her back so she was standing at arms length. "I'm going to go see what's going on. I want you to lock the door behind me and don't let anyone in unless it's me. Okay?"

"No Cassie please! Please stay with us!"

"Anna someone has to go. We can't just wait for father to get home. Don't you remember what happened last time." She nodded and more tears slipped down her face. I put a hand on here cheek and whipped away the tear.

"Okay lock the door. Don't let anyone but me in! Got it?"

"What about Raph?"

"Don't let him in either." Anna nodded again and I walked out and the door shut behind me. I herd the click of the lock, I took a deep breath and started to walk towards the voices of my screaming brothers.

I walked into Luke's room. They both stopped and stared at me. "Would you please stop yelling? I have to do my homework." I asked my voice shaky.

"Where the hell have you been! " Michael yelled at the same time Luke said, "Cassie are you okay!?" Michael was approaching me quickly and I started to back away. "Leave him alone!"Luke screeched at Michael. When Michael didn't stop Luke rushed forwards, grabbed his shoulders and pulled him backwards. Michael twisted and punched Luke in the nose. I herd a sickening pop and then blood started to run from Luke's nose. "You bastard!" Luke exclaimed, "Ha! No actually. We're twins so you should know that!" Michael retorted, he was close enough that he could touch me now so he shoved me backwards hard. I stumbled out the door. He pushed me again. Luke came from behind him and grabbed his suit jacket. He tried to pull him backwards but Michael turned and hit him in the ribs. Luke gasped and involuntarily bent over. Michael took this opportunity to knee his in the in his already sensitive ribs. Luke fell to the floor gasping for breath. Michael then turned his attention back to me. He shoved me backwards again. "Michael please don't!" I begged. The worst beatings I have ever gotten are from Michael when he's mad. He shoved me again. My back hit the banister, I looked behind me at the drop on to a glass table. I swallowed and looked in front of me to see Michael. I looked past him at Luke. He was scrambling to his feet. Michael shoved me hard tipping me over the banister. "Cassie!" I herd Luke yell and then next thing I knew I was crashing through the glass table.

* * *

_Happiness is like the old man told me_

_Look for it, but you'll never find it all_

_Let it go, live your life and leave it_

_Then one day, wake up and she'll__be home_

_Home, home, home_

* * *

POV: Dean

I waited in my car for five... ten... fifteen minutes. I herd yelling from the house but I didn't know what I should do. Every family has issues and it's none of my business about what happens in the Novak house but I had a really bad felling. I was about to turn on the impala when I herd someone scream "Cassie!" and then I herd a crash. My heart froze and I pushed my door open. I ran to the front door. I rang the doorbell once... twice... three times before I just pushed the door open. I walked in and ran through the foyer. When I got to the stairs I saw Cas laying there. Just laying there. Bloody. In a pile of broken glass. I looked up the stairs in shook. And I saw two men standing there. "I-I didn't mean to." One stuttered. The other looked at the fist with a fire in his eyes. He punched him in the face and then rushed down the stairs. I was kneeling by Cas. I could feel a piece of glass cut my knee but couldn't bring myself to care. "Cas? Cas? Can you hear me?" I asked panicked,

"Who the hell are you?"

"Um... I'm a friend of Cas'"

"He doesn't have any friends..." We were both distracted when Cas shifted and moaned.

"Cassie?" The man asked.

"Luke?"

"Cassie, I'm here. I'm so sorry!"

"t's fine. You didn't do anythin'" Cas mumbled.

"Let's get you out of this glass." Luke said, He looked at me, "Go to the other side let's lift him so we don't risk him getting cut more." I nodded and took my position on the other side of him. On the count of three we lifted him up and I saw Luke flinch. As we lade Cas down on the sofa the front door swung open. Luke turned to the door. "Father!" Luke gasped. Fear filled his eyes.

"What the hell happened here?" Cas' father yelled. Someone came running down the stairs. "Father, please!"

"Micheal that's enough from you!" Their father yelled. Cas slowly sat up on the sofa and looked at me confused.

"What's going on?" He whispered.

"I don't know. You okay?"

"No." Cas started crying.

"Shh it's okay."

"Castiel. Go upstairs! I don't want to see you down here again tonight!" Cas' father screamed.

"It's not his fault!" Luke yelled back.

"That's enough! The both of you! We are going to sit down and talk! All three of us!" their father yelled in a commanding tone. "Castiel now!" he shouted again. Cas tried to stand but nearly tipped over. I wrapped my arm around him and helped him upstairs.

"Which room?" I asked,

"That one," Cas mumbled pointing to a room. We got to the door and Cas knocked. "Anna? Gabe? Let me in." The door opened abruptly,

"Castiel!" the girl gasped. She held the door open well I half carried half dragged Cas in to the room. There was a boy in the corner that stood up and rushed over to help me get Cas to the bed. I recognized these two from school this morning. "Who are you!" the girl demanded.

"My names Dean, I'm a friend of your brothers."

"Castiel doesn't have friends."

"So I've been told." I snapped slightly annoyed, The girl grabbed a facecloth off her dresser and brought it to me. I started to clean some of the cuts on Cas' face.

"I'm Anna," she said slightly begrudged,

"I'm Gabriel but you call my Gabe," said the younger boy that was sitting beside Cas on the bed. A hand grabbed my wrist. "Dean that hurts!"

"Sorry," I mumbled gruffly. I went back to cleaning the cuts on his face this time paying more attention to what I was doing.

"So how long do you think we're going to be stuck here?" Anna asked looking at Cas.

"At least for the night. Could be longer tho." Cas answered through gritted teeth. I looked down at him and for the first time sense I meet him yesterday -which seemed like a ridiculously long time ago- I saw how not okay Cas was. I could see the sadness in his sole through his eyes. When he looked back at me it seemed as if he was begging for help. For someone to rescue him. When I was done cleaning Cas' cuts I lied down next to him propping myself up on the headboard Cas scooched over and rested his head on my shoulder. He seemed to gain the much needed comfort from doing so. Gabe sat next to him, cross legged facing us and Anna sat at the bottom of the bed. Cas and I listened to Anna and Gabe tell the tale of what happened. Then we all listened to Cas as he told us what happened when he was with his brothers. I had a felling that Cas was leaving a lot out for his siblings sake. When Cas started to get flustered I took his hand in mine I gently squeezed it. When the time was approaching nine I sent Sam and Bobby a text telling them I might not be home over night. Anna, Gabe, Cas and I stayed locked away in Anna's room for the remainder of the night sitting and talking. I learned a lot about Anna and Gabe and they learned a good amount about me. Cas however stayed silent for most of the night, Just laying there listening to us talk. I could tell that he had gone through a lot. They all had but Cas more so then the others.

* * *

_**Okay... Sorry about that guys! I really was going to have this chapter happy but then the characters took over and made it sad! I'm planing on the next one being happier but no promises! Also I have been throwing in some hints to something Dean is going to find out about Cas in a future chapter. Hehe i'm so evil! **_

_**You guys don't know how much favorites/follows mean to me! Thanks so much! **_

_**Hope you're enjoying the story. :) **_


	4. The kiss

**_Hi guys, so... I think this chapter is total crap! I must have hit backspace more then I typed, But here ya go a HAPPY chapter! I had a really hard time writing this, turns out I can only write angst. It probably didn't help that I was in a bad mood whenever I had the time to write. I also have never been in a relationship so i'm just going with what I have read in fics... Also this Song totally doesn't fit but I gave up on finding one that could... And I like this song. I'll I really want to do is delete all of this chapter... But I also really don't want to rewrite it and make you guys wait :) So here ya go. _  
**

**_Warning! I actually don't think there is any for this chapter..._**

**_Song: A Thousand Years by Christina Perri_**

_**p.s. Feel free to point out any grammar/spelling mistakes :)**_

_**Love y'll! Xoxoxo ENJOY!**_

* * *

_Heart beats fast_

_Colors and promises_

_How to be brave?_

_How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?_

_But watching you stand alone,_

_All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow. _

_One step closer_

* * *

POV:Castiel

I was warm, really warm. It was comfortable. I never wanted to get up. That was until my pillow started to move. I jumped. "What the hell?" I asked out loud.

"Cas?" Someone asked, I opened my eyes. And couldn't see out of one. They were so dry and painful!

"Hey, you okay?" there was a weight on my shoulder. My head was pounding. Every thing hurt. My stomach stabbed in pain.

"Yo Cas! Look at me." I did I was told and looked towards the voice but didn't really see anyone. _What the hell was happening? _I begged for my brain to start working again. My vision started to come back but my eyes were still painfully dry. Then I remembered I forgot to take out my contacts. Well that would explain that. I looked around trying not to rub my eyes to see that I was in Anna's room. _That's weird... _Then I met Dean's gaze and everything came back. I scanned the room again.

"Where are Anna and Gabe?" I asked panicked,

"They went to school."

"What time is it?" _Shit, Shit, Shit I am so late! _

"It's about ten. Your father came in earlier and told them to go to school. He tried to wake you up but it didn't really work that well so he said you could stay home."

"What about you?"

"He told me to go but I called my uncle and he called me out sick."

"What did you tell him?"

"That a friend need my help,"

"But you've barely lived here? How did he believe that?"

"Cas, They saw you yesterday. And you don't exactly look okay..." I slowly started to stand, Being smart about so I wouldn't faint. When I had made it to my full height I started to walk off.

"Where you going?" Dean asked, I could hear the worry seeping into his voice.

"Bathroom, I gotta take these god damn contacts out."

"You wear contacts?"

"Don't act so surprised, not everyone has perfect vision like you." I snapped,

* * *

_I have died every day waiting for you_

_Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you_

_For a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more  
_

_Time stands still_

_Beauty in all she is_

_I will be brave_

_I will not let anything take away_

_What's standing in front of me_

_Every breath_

_Every hour has come to this  
_

_One step closer_

* * *

POV: Dean

I sat awkwardly on Anna's bed waiting for Cas to come back. He looked like hell. There were three major cuts on his face as well as the black eye. Just the way he was moving you could tell that he was in a lot of pain. I started to wonder if he was always in this much pain when he walked back in. He was wearing a black hoodie with dark blue strings and a pair of sweatpants. He was wearing glasses and somehow his eyes seemed to be even bluer.

"Um... do you want some different clothes? Or a shower? Or coffee?" He asked sounding nervous

"Some fresh clothes and a cup of coffee would be nice!" I tried to reassure him,

"The paints might be a bit short on you cause your taller then me."

"That's fine." I smiled,

I followed Cas into his bedroom. He went to the closet to search for some clothing for me. I was standing awkwardly in the middle of the floor not knowing what I should do. He turned around and offered me a old Beatles Shirt and a pair of gray sweatpants.

"Thanks!" I said stepping a little closer then I needed to be,

"The bathroom is three doors down on your right."

"kay,"

I walked of to the bathroom, Cas' house was so much nicer then mine. It was large and well decorated. I could tell that it was decorated for guest, they must have people over a lot. I quickly dressed and walked back to Cas' room. He was going through something on his desk, I walked up to him and but a hand on his shoulder. He jumped and turned around, "Dean! You scared me!" He chuckled nervously,

"Ready for some coffee?" I asked,

"Yeah..." Cas said looking me up and down. I didn't think he knew that he was doing it until he said, "You look nice in those." He grinned at me and then walked out of his bedroom. I followed him downstairs, He stopped dead in his tracks and I ran right in to his back. He turned around, we were so close. Our faces were almost touching. My eyes drifted to his lips. _I wounder what it would feel like to kiss him? Dean! What the hell? You don't think like that! _Cas edged closer, "Cas..." I said in a warning tone. He took a step back, "I should pick this up..." I looked at what He was gesturing to, It was the glass form the table he had landed on last night.

"Cas it's fine, I can do it well you make coffee."

"Are you sure Dean? I can do it."

"Dude, I wouldn't have offered if I didn't mean it."

"If your sure..." He said skeptically.

"I'm sure!" Cas walked off and then came back with a dust pan and trashcan. I got work well Cas went to go make the coffee. I had just finished picking up the large pieces of glass when Cas came back out. He handed me a mug of steaming liquid. "Thanks!" I said smiling and taking the cup from him. Cas grinned, "How is it?" He asked. I took a sip, being careful not to burn my self. I coughed as the coffee? made it's way down my throat, Cas' grin fell. "No offense Cas but what the hell did you put in it?" I asked looking in to the slightly brown colored liquid to see brown powder in the bottom of the cup,

"Nothing..."

"Cas, do you know how to make coffee?"

"No..." He said looking to the ground. I started to laugh, I couldn't help myself. "Sorry."

"No, Cas it's fine! It's just kinda funny! You don't put the grounds in with the water. You have to pour the water through a filter with the grounds in it."

"What?"

"Come on, I'll show you!"

* * *

_I have died every day waiting for you_

_Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you_

_For a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more  
_

_And all along I believed I would find you_

_Time has brought your heart to me_

_I have loved you for a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more  
_

_One step closer_

_One step closer_

* * *

POV:Castiel

I followed Dean into the kitchen, "_It's really not that hard to make a cup of freaking coffee! You fail at everything!"_ A voice inside my head taunted.

"Where's your coffee?" Dean asked

"Freezer," Dean walked over and pulled the freezer door open. His eye searched the freezer for the coffee, when he found it he pulled it out and placed it on the counter.

"Do you know where the filters are?"

"No, sorry."

"Hey Cas," Dean said well I looked at the ground, "Cas, look at me." I reluctantly looked up from the ground to find that Dean had walked across the Kitchen and was now standing in front of me. He gently took my chin In his hand, "You say sorry to much."

"sorr-" I stopped myself from completing my word. I smiled at him. He laughed, "We will just have to go on an adventure and look for them." Dean and I spent the next ten minutes trying to find the filters, Dean finely located them in the cabinet with the tea. He thought me how to make a cup of coffee and I committed every moment of it to memory.

"You hungry?" I asked

"Yeah I could eat something."

"How do you feel about a bagel?"

"Bagel's are good!" I popped his bagel in the toaster.

We walked into the TV room and sat down on the sofa, me with a glass of tea and Dean with his freshly made cup of coffee and his bagel.

"What about you? Not hungry?"

"No, I'm not right now, I'll eat latter. You want to watch a movie?" I asked, "I would say we could do something more interesting but I'm not really felling up to it."

"Movie's are good!" I grabbed the remote and switched on the TV. I flipped through the channels until I found Grease, "Do you mind?"

"I can dig Grease!" I smiled gladly because it was one of my all time favorites. I grabbed a oversize throw off the back of the sofa and draped it over me. I curled up on the sofa, tucking my feet up beside me. I wrapped my fingers around my tea, pulling it close to try and warm myself. When Dean finished his Bagel he put the plate on the recently righted coffee table. I started to get tired, I lade my head down in Dean's lap. I fell asleep to my favorite move playing and Dean running his finger through my hair.

"Hey Cas, you awake?"

"Mmhm, yeah." I mumbled,

"We should get some food, I'm hungry!"

"What do ya feel like?" I said opening my eyes.

"I dunno... food."

"Okay," I slowly stood, And then started to walk to the kitchen. When I look back towards Dean I noticed that Grease was no longer playing.

"What time is it?" I asked searching for a clock.

"It's around 2ish." Dean told me, "What's wrong? You look kinda greenish." He walked over to me and put a hand on my cheek. "It's nothing," I mumbled looking to the ground.

"Cas, tell me. You have to know you could trust me with anything at this point."

"Dean, it's only been three days!"

"Really? It feel's like I have known you for forever."

"It does..."

"It just feels right. To be here, with you. You asleep on my lab well I watch some chick flick." I couldn't help but to smile, I can't remember the last time I wasn't afraid of being around someone that wasn't Luke.

"Dean..."

"No Cas! I can tell people don't tell you they care a lot. But Castiel I care!"

"Dean, how can you? You have only known me for three days! Plus it's _me_!"

"It may have only been three days, but in these past three days I have been happier then I can remember being in a long time. Even with all the shit that has happened I smile whenever I look in to those insanely blue eyes of yours! I feel differently then I have ever felt about anyone before! I just feels so right to be around you!" I watched as Dean other hand came up to cup the other side of my face. I knew what was about to happen but I didn't know if I wanted it to so I froze, I froze like a dear in the headlights. His lips meet mine, they were warm and soft. My body naturally started to react. Moving my lips to deepen the kiss I was still trying to figure out how the hell I felt about Dean. He was the first person to kiss me sense Ezekiel.

* * *

_I have died every day waiting for you_

_Darling don't be afraid I have loved you_

_For a thousand years_

_I'll love you for a thousand more  
_

_And all along I believed I would find you_

_Time has brought your heart to me  
I have loved you for a thousand years  
I'll love you for a thousand more_

* * *

POV: Dean

I don't know what had gotten into me, maybe it was the chick flick, Maybe it was having Castiel sleeping on my lap for nearly two hours, or maybe it was the fact that Castiel hadn't left my brain sense the moment I had run into him on Monday morning. But I found myself expressing all of my feelings. And if I thought I couldn't be more like a girl I leaned in and kissed him! I Was kissing a guy that I had only meet three days ago, no that wasn't the shocker. The shocker was that I was kissing a _guy_! And I was totally okay with it, I was even enjoying myself. That was until I felt hands on my chest gently pushing me away,

"Dean stop." Cas said calmly,

"Oh my god! Cas I'm _so_ sorry! I didn't mean to! Please don't hate me!"

"Dean, take a breath," I started to move away from him, He reached forward and placed a hand on the back of my neck. He pulled me forward a bit so that we were standing only about six inches apart.

"I'm sorry!"

"Dean! It's okay, it is! Look it's just been a while and well the last person to kiss me. Well I'll just say it ended interestingly. I meet you _three_ days ago, I really like you," I went to interrupt him but he kept talking, "I do! But there are a lot of things about me that you don't know, a lot of things that would change the way you look at me."

"Then tell me Cas! I want to know everything about you! I want to know you, For who you are!"

"Dean I'm not ready to tell you. You already know a lot of things about me that I never wanted anyone one to know. I going to have to learn to trust you. And it might take a while but if for some crazy reason you chose to stick with me I will learn and then you will know."

"Cas, I'll stay here. I promise I will!"

"Don't make promises you don't know you can keep."

"But I know I can keep it." I tried to reason. He looked at me with a very distrustful look,

"I have had people make that promise and it has never been kept so please! I beg of you! Don't promise me something that we both know is not under your control about rather or not it is kept!"

"I don't know what you have been through, I can tell it's a lot. And I hear that you don't want me to promise but I will always be here for you." He looked me in the eyes, So deep that I could tell he was looking for the truth. Suddenly we were chest to chest. He kissed me, It wasn't just any kiss, It was desperate, it was sweet, it was tentative. I kissed him back. He pulled back and rested his face in my neck, his skin was oddly cold. "Thank you," he said, lips tickling the skin on my neck.

"For what?" I asked confused,

"For noticing." There were no words, It broke my hart that he had to go through so much and no one even noticed or tried to help him. I tightened my arms around him and held him to my chest.

Cas and I had walked into the kitchen and he was trying to find something for us to eat when my freak out started. _Holy shit I just kissed a guy! I enjoyed it! I might do it again! What am I going to tell dad? What am I going to tell Bobby, or Sam, what about School? What did I do? What did I do? _

"Dean? You okay?" Cas broke me out of my internal freak out.

"Yeah..."

"What on your mind?"

"It's nothing don't worry about it."

"Dean, you know you can talk to me right?"

"Yeah I know, It's just I don't know, I had never kissed a guy before."

"Are you okay with it?"

"Yeah, Yeah totally. Well I'm not sure if any guy would be okay, but you, I know I keep saying this but it just feels right. But I'm not gay. I still like girls I guess I just also like you" He smiled at me and took my hands in his.

"It'll take time, You may not be gay, or bi, or whatever but whatever you are it's okay!"

"Thanks," I said smiling, I leaned in and kissed him again. I was just enough taller then him that he had to tilt his head up.

"So... What do you want to eat?" He asked pulling away,

"Anythings fine."

"Okay... how about a pizza?"

"Sounds good." Cas started the oven, when it beeped he put the pizza in.

When the pizza was done Cas took it out and put it on a cutting bored. He cut it and then started for the stairs.

"We should go up stairs, people will be getting home soon." He explained. Once we we're in his room he shut and locked the door. "Here," He said handing me a piece of the pizza.

"Aren't you going to eat some? You haven't eaten all day." He looked down at the pizza with a rather disgusted look.

"I don't know I don't really feel pizza that much, I guess one slice wouldn't hurt," He said shrugging, He scooped up a piece and started to eat it.

After I had eaten most of the pizza (Cas only had the one slice) we sat down on his bed. He looked troubled,

"You okay," I asked bumping my shoulder in to his,

"Yeah, I'm fine." He said giving me a weak smile,

"You know you say that a lot but I don't know if you have ever meant it."

"Dean I'm fine."

"Okay..." I said not really believing him. I quickly leaned over and captured his lip with mine. He gave an adorable squeak of surprise but leaned in. He put a hand on my cheek and ran it down to me neck. I had a hand on the back of his neck and was using the other one for balance. There was a knock on the door. Cas and I jumped apart. Cas stood up to go get the door, He pulled it open and blocked the persons view to his room with his body. I could tell that he had practices with hiding people that where in his room. This made me curious to his sexual history.

"Cassie!" I herd Luke's voice. When I looked up Cas was already wrapped in Luke's arms. Cas hugged him back but not with as tight.

"I am so sorry!"

"It's all good Luke."

"Let me see the bruises." Cas glanced back at me nervously. Luke seemed to notice me for the first time.

"Who's this?" Luke asked eyebrows raising with curiosity.

"Ah, this is Dean, I believe you meet him last night."

"Yes I did. I didn't know he stayed the night... and all day?" He added a suggestive wink that made Cas blush adorably.

"Father wouldn't let anyone downstairs last night, and Dean wanted to make sure I was okay" He recovered quickly, quicker then I would have.

"I see," Luke said in a not quite believing way. "Anywho, Let me see 'em"

"Luke... Can't this wait?"

"Nope." Cas rolled his eyes and then pulled the back of his shirt up. My heart stopped and my breath caught in my throat. His entire back was covered in bruises. There wasn't even an inch of skin that wasn't covered. It was all different colors. They ranged from A light yellow-brow to a deep blackish-purple. The worst part however was the cut that ran from his right shoulder blade across his spine to his left hip, Luke let out a hiss,

"It's really not that bad, I could have been much worse." Cas said.

"Are you _kidding_ me?" Luke asked, I could see the guilt in his eyes, he blamed himself. It wasn't really his fault, he couldn't have done anything but still if it was Sam I'd blame myself too.

"Cassie you need a new definition of not that bad" He said looking at the cut closer, "This needs to be clean and could use some stitches,"

"No please! It'll fucking hurt."

"But you'll get the good pain meds!" Luke said with a chuckle. Cas seemed to perk up at that. Alright I'm gonna go get my stuff I'll be back." Luke said walking off.

"Why didn't you tell me about your back? I could have done something for the cut, or driven you to the hospital or something!"

"Dean, Don't make a big deal out of this, Luke can take care of them, he's had a lot of practice" Cas said with an awkward chuckle.

"Alright, I should probably go..."

"Yeah..." Cas said sounding a little disappointed.

"Here give me your phone," He handed me his phone and I typed me number in. "Call or text me whenever! No matte what time it is, if you want me or need me I'm here, kay?"

"Yeah alright." We both stood. This time however I didn't miss the wince Cas gave as he slowly got up. Luke walked in. I put a hand on Cas' shoulder and squeezed gently.

"See ya Cas."

"Dean wait!" Cas said when I had gotten half way out the door. I turned around to look at him. He walked up and kissed me on the lips until Luke cleared his throat. Cas pulled away sheepishly,

"See you at school tomorrow?"

"Yeah! See you then" I said with a smile, and left. I listened to my music way to loud the entire way home and for the first time in years I could stop smiling.


	5. I'll See You Tomorrow

**_Hi guys! Sorry it's been so long. I was really busy with drivers ed and then school and then I got sick so yeah... This is kinda a short chapter but I didn't want to make you guys wait any longer. I have another chapter that I'm almost done with and I was going to post them together but decided that I would post this one right now and hopefully get the next one up tomorrow. :D _**

**_Waring! Self Harm, _****_Bullying, Homophobic People._**

**_Song: The Memory By Mayday Parade _**

_**p.s. Feel free to point out any grammar/spelling mistakes :)**_

_**Love y'll! xoxoxo ENJOY!**_

* * *

_She is everywhere I go  
Everyone I see  
Winter's gone and I still can't sleep  
Summer's on the way  
At least that's what they say  
But these clouds won't leave_

Walk away  
Barely breathing  
As I'm lying on the floor  
Take my heart  
As you're leaving  
I don't need it anymore

This is the memory  
This is the curse of having  
Too much time to think about it  
It's killing me  
This is the last time  
This is my forgiveness  
This is endless

* * *

POV: Castiel

After Dean left I walked back over to Luke, "Let's just get this over with shell we?" Luke nodded and I went and lied down on my bed. Luke came over and started cleaning me up. When he was almost fished he spoke up.

"So I've got something to tell you," Luke said

"Mhm," I mumbled through a clenched jaw.

"I have to move out."

"What?" I asked rolling over and knocking Luke -who was sitting on my legs for a better angle- off.

"Dad, he said I was no longer welcome here. He said I have to be out within two days."

"He- He can't do that!"

"Cassie he owns the house he has every right to."

"NO!" Luke please," I said tears finding there way to my eyes.

"I'm sorry! I'm not moving far. I'm gonna move in with Bela. She doesn't live far."

"But... I don't want you to go..." I said looking at the ground. I slid off the bed and walked over to my desk and pulled on my hoodie.

"I know... I don't want to but I've got no choice." I busied myself with evening out the strings on my hoodie. "Castiel, Look at me." I slowly looked up and met Luke's gaze, He had stood up and was walking over to me. "It's going to be okay."

"Can I be alone. Please?"

"Cassie..."

"I won't do anything. I promise I wont."

"Alright fine, But if you need anything I'll be in my room." I nodded and he walked out closing the door behind him. I ran a hand through my hair clutching it and pulling slightly. The weight in my chest felt like it was suffocating me. I closed my eyes and tried not to think. I opened my eyes and walked over to my bed side table where Luke had put a pill. I took it dry and began pacing my room. About twenty minutes later- when the pain meds finely started to work- there was a knock on my door. I walked over and opened it, Anna and Gabe were standing there. A concerned look on their faces. Anna looked up and met my eyes, Asking so many questions with her green eyes. I opened my arms slightly, She rushed in to them wrapping her arms tightly around me. I let out a hiss and she quickly backed away. "Did I hurt you?"

"I'm fine just a bit sore."

"I'm sorry,"

"It's okay." I walked farther into my room and Anna and Gabe followed. Gabe shut the door behind him and went to sit on my bed next to Nestle. He absentmindedly started to pet him. Anna started to pace the floor. "Did Luke talk to you?" Anna asked,

"Yeah, did he tell you."

"Yeah..."

"What are we going to do?" Gabe quietly spoke.

"I don't know... what are we going to do Cassie?" Anna and Gabe both looked up at me,

"We'll be fine. We will..." There was a knock on the door and the three of us exchanged looks. Before I could walk over Michael opened the door and stepped inside. "Anna, Gabriel, out." When nether of them moved he snapped, "NOW!" the both got up quickly and scurried out. I swallowed deeply. "Castiel," Micheal's voice boomed.

"Yes?" I asked not really in the mood for Micheal's shit.

"I wanted to talk to you about last night." I knew what Micheal wanted, He always did the same thing after he hurt me. He made excuses, "I'm not really in the mood Micheal." He didn't listen to me. He kept talking and I just tuned him out. Buried my self in my thoughts. I needed to be alone, I needed to work everything out. "Castiel your not listening to me!"

"You can't control yourself when you get mad. I got that." Micheal looked pleased enough and walked out of my room.

I locked my door and immediately headed for my closet. I pulled the door open and pushed away the basket of dirty laundry desperate to be able to breath again. I saw the shoe box and reached forward and grabbed it. I pulled it towards myself and pulled the top off. Reaching in the relief already started. I found my hands going for the knife. It was smaller, it had a black handle and a stainless steal blade. I had taken it from the kitchen years ago. My dad had brought it up when I had first taken it but it had soon been forgotten. I took it out and ran my thumb sideways across the blade felling it's sharpness without cutting myself. I pulled my sweatshirt sleeves up and pressed the blade down on my arm. I sat there for a moment. Blade pressed into my arm sitting in the entrance to my closet. As soon as I started to pull the blade across my arm it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders and I could breath again.

I dragged the blade across my arm for the fifth time. There was blood running down my arm blending from one cut to another. When It started to drip of my wrist I stood up and walked over to my bedside table which had a tissue box on it. I took a few and pressed them to the cuts. I watched as the tissue quickly turned red. I took the blood soaked tissue away from my arm and threw it in the trash. I pulled down my sleeves, put the knife back in the box and but it in the back of my closet. The blood wouldn't stop and I was starting to panic. What if I had cut to deep? What if It wont stop? What if I had to go to Luke? All these questions flooded my mind but as the blood finely started to lessen I began to relax.

As I lay on my bed starring up at the ceiling the words crept in from the depth of my brain. _"Murderer" "Fag" "slut" _These are the three that really stuck today. I missed him so much. The longing was unbearable some days. As I lay there doing nothing it became to much. I quickly got up to start pacing but I stood to fast and got dizzy. "_God dammit this is getting bad. I'll have to eat something at some point soon." _I thought to myself. As soon as the dizziness disappeared I started to pace to try and do something to preoccupy my brain.

It didn't work. The thoughts kept coming until my breathing hitched and the panic set in. _"It's all my fault. I should be the one who's dead. Not him. What am I going to do? Everyone hate's me. I just wanna die!" _I found my self panicking. I started to panic about having a panic attack which naturally lead to me having a panic attack. In the first time in about a half hour I opened my eyes to find myself sitting leaning up against my bed frame. My breathing still came quick but it wasn't as bad as it has been in the past. I pulled myself up on to my bed and closed eyes even tho I know I would be able to sleep at all.

* * *

_Now spring has brought the rain  
But I still see your face  
And I can not escape the past  
Creeping up inside  
Reminding me that I  
Can never bring you back_

This is the memory  
This is the curse of having  
Too much time to think about it  
It's killing me  
This is the last time  
This is my forgiveness  
This is endless

This is endless [3x]  
Someone help me  
'Cause the memory  
Convinced itself to tear me apart  
And it's gonna succeed before long

* * *

POV: Dean

I pulled up with a ridiculous smile still on my face. After dinner I lay awake in my bed feeling like a preteen girl with her first crush. My phone lay on my chest so if Cas texted me I would know immediately. It was well past midnight and I was still laying awake with this stupid grin. "Dammit Dean pull yourself together!" I said to myself out loud. I lay there for another ten minutes or so before my phone vibrated violently startling me. I quickly picked it up and swiped my screen to unlock it. I brought up the messenger and saw that it was an unknown number. My heart skipped. _'This is Castiel, I thought you might want my number sense I have yours.' _My smile seemed to get even larger as I reread the message a few times.

_ 'Hey Cas, what are you still doin awake?'_

_ 'Oh shit! It's really late isn't it? I'm so sorry did I wake you?'_

_ 'No, don't worry about it I was already awake.'_

_ 'That's good! Next time I'll be more careful.' _

_ 'Don't worry about it! You can text me whenever!' _

_ 'Thanks Dean!' _

_ 'Soooo watsup?' _

_'Nothing really I just couldn't sleep and found myself thinking about you.' _

_ 'Oh really? ;)'_

_ 'Not like that Dean!' _

_ 'lol. I wouldn't mind!'_

_ 'Well that could be fun... ;)' _My heart was beating ten times faster then I thought it ever could. I had done this type on thing a million times but with Cas it was different I just didn't want to mess this up. _'Really fun!' _

_ 'You don't know the type of things I would do to you!' _

_ 'Oh my, and here I was thinking you were the innocent one...'_

_ 'You don't know the half of it Dean Winchester.' _

_ 'Well then I can't wait for you to show me. ;D' _

_ 'Why Wait?'_

_ '…?' _I didn't really wanna make any assumptions so I just waited for him to reply chewing on my lip nervously. When my phone buzzed I quickly read the message.

_'If you where here right now I would do all types of dirty things to you!' _

_ 'Oh yeah? Like what?' _

_ 'Well let's see... I would start kissing your lips and then slowly kiss along your jaw to your neck. I would kiss and suck until the whole world could see that you're mine.' _

_ 'Jesus Cas your making me so hard right now!' _

_ 'That's the point Dean. Don't touch your self yet.' _

_ 'ahhhh... Fine!'_

_ 'Then I would move farther down. Following the lines that your muscles make/ I would kiss all the way down stopping right before your dick. Then I would move back to kiss your mouth.'_

_ 'Fuck! You're so hot!' _

_ 'Then I would slowly unbutton your jeans and slip and hand in. Touch your self Dean,' _

_ 'Ah! Fuck!'_

_ 'My mouth would follow my hand until it came to the end of you dick.'_

_ 'Shit Cas I wish you were here!' _

_ 'I would suck you in until every bit of your dick was covered.'_

_ 'Oh god! I'm so close'_

_ 'I would pick up my rhythm until you were so far gone you thought you would never recover.'_

_ 'I'm close baby, shit I'm close!' _

_ 'I would take your balls in my hand and gently squeeze. And when you came I would swallow it all.' _I couldn't take it anymore, I grunted into my release.

_'Fuck Cas you really know how to get a guy off!'_

_'Glad you liked it! :)'_

_'Oh fuck were not leaving it like that! I would pull you up and kiss you, I would be able to taste me inside of you and it would be the best fucking taste ever!'_

_ 'I would kiss you back.' _

_ 'I would reach my hand down and grab on to your hard cock.'_

_ 'Mm! That would feel damn good!'_

_ 'I would start a slow rhythm and then start to get faster.'_

_ 'Fuck Dean!'_

_ 'I would get you really turned on.'_

_ 'I already am!' _

_ 'Well I would make you all hot and bothered and I would go faster and faster until you couldn't say anything other then my name. '_

_ 'Oh god! Fuck Dean! Shit!'_

_ 'I would reach up and start to play with your nipple, I would roll it back and forth until you were gasping for air.'_

_ 'Shit Dean I'm going to!'_

_ 'Cum for me baby! Cum for me!'_

_ 'DEEEAAAANNNNN!' _

_ 'After you came all over my hand I would lick every bit of it off and then kiss you. Mixing our tastes together.'_

_ 'Shit Dean we need to do that in person soon!'_

_ 'Yeah I agree!' _

_ 'Thanks.'_

_ 'For what?'_

_ 'For earlier.'_

_ 'Yeah no problem :)' _

_ 'Oh shit! Someone is knocking on my door.'_

_ 'You okay?'_

_ 'I'll text you later.' _

My phone want quiet and something about that just made me feel unsettled. Why was Cas so worried that someone was knocking on his door? I looked down at my phone checking the time. I guess it was kinda late. I lay my phone on my chest. I found that my eyes we're slowly starting to close but I had to make sure Cas was okay. I decided to text him if he hadn't texted me within twenty minutes.

* * *

_This is the memory  
This is the curse of having  
Too much time to think about it  
It's killing me  
This is the last time  
This is my forgiveness  
This is endless  
This is endless_

Someone help me  
'Cause the memory  
Convinced itself to tear me apart  
And it's gonna succeed before long  
(This is endless)

She is everywhere I go  
Everyone I see  
But these clouds won't leave

* * *

POV: Castiel

I put my phone down beside me, Before I said anything my Dad slowly opened the door. "Castiel are you awake?"

"Yeah," I said quietly, pulling my sleeves down farther.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

"It's late you know,"

"Yeah, sorry. Am I bothering you?"

"No, I was on my way to bed ans saw your light on."

"I can turn it out." I was almost always awake at this time but I always had my light off, I guess with all that has been going on I forgot to turn it off. My dad walked over and sat down on the edge of my bed. I looked up at him questioningly,

"Lucifer said that you took quit a fall the other day and was worried about you."

"Father I'm fine," I was very confused about why all of the sudden my dad was being a parent,

"Well he seams to be very concerned about you lately. Is there something going on the I am not aware of?" I pulled my sleeves down farther. My dad didn't know about a lot of things. He was almost never home and when he was he was to busy to pay an attention to me. Whenever I needed someone that was an adult I would go to Luke. All of us would. But me more so then the others they would go to Micheal a lot too.

"No," I lied. My dad raised an eyebrow at me but didn't call my out on my lie.

"Did Luke tell you that he has decided to move out?"

"He told me that you kicked him out," I said with bitterness seeping into my voice.

"Castiel." He said in a warning tone. I looked down at my lap and played with the hem of my sweatshirt sleeves.

"Why? Why are you making him move?"

"It's not something you could understand. He's moving because he is not following the rules of this household anymore and I can't have such a disobedient child in my house. I hope you can at least try to understand." I nodded not wanting to say anything. I looked my dad in the eyes and I just really wanted him to leave.

"Cassie?" He said putting a hand on my shoulder. I jumped and flinched as he had moved quickly. I looked up at him slightly at the vary rare use of my nickname. My dad didn't believe in nicknames. When I was younger I had asked him why and he has said it was because if he wanted to call us that he would have named us that. However when I was younger my dad and I were vary close and he had always used my nickname. Nowadays it was very rare. In fact it was rare for him to even talk to me.

"Are you okay? You look upset."

"I'm fine." He didn't look like he believed me but he seemed to let it go because he stood up brushed my hair back and kissed my forehead. "Goodnight Castiel."

"Goodnight father." And with that he walked out of my room and shut the door. My breathing immediately picked up and I reached for the bottle of pills on my bedside table. Taking one I knew it wouldn't kick in so I got up out of bed and head for my closet the second time in just a few hours. After I had made three deep slashes in my arm I herd my phone buzz I walked to my bed and pick it up. Dean's name was lit up on the screen. I subconsciously smiled and opened the message. 'You okay?' I put the phone back on my bed not wanting to lie to him. After another three cuts I herd my phone vibrate again, I ignored it and then I went off again, and again someone was calling me? I picked it up again and saw that it was Dean, I swiped it to answer "Hello?" I spoke tentatively into the phone.

"Hey Cas, I just wanted to make sure you were okay, this was stupid I should have never bothered you," Dean rambled,

"Dean it's fine,"

"So are you okay?" There was that question, and I didn't know what to say

"I'm fine," I ended up lying,

"Are you sure? 'Cause you kinda paused there." I went to rub a hand over my face when I caught the blood that was about to start dripping off of my arm. I puled my sleeve back down to at least stop the blood from getting everywhere. "I'm fine, I've just had a hard week."  
"Okay I'm glad to hear that you're okay. We should probably go to bed, we have school tomorrow,"

"Yeah okay, Goodnight,"

"G'night Cas, See ya tomorrow,"

"See you then," I said before hanging up the phone. I found that I was upset that Dean didn't see through the lies, I couldn't really expect him to, after all he just meet me. But It still made me upset, I plugged my phone in and checked to make sure that my alarm was on. I then lay down and started the long night of not sleeping.


	6. A Sucky First Date

**Okay, first I just want to say how sorry I am that I said I would update the next day and it has been like four months! I AM SOOOO SORRY! There're so many excuses I could give you guys but I'm not going to because there were plenty of opportunities for me to update. Sorry this chapter probably wasn't worth the wait!**

**Next I would like to give a special thanks to the person that reviewed! Thank you so much! I sorry I didn't update!**

**Thank you to all of my followers that have stayed with me so far. I'm am going to try an update on a more regular pattern. **

** Reviews are amazing, If you wish to take a moment of your time and give me any kind of feed back it will certainly encourage me to write more! **

**Favs/Follows are also amazing and also encourage me to keep writing.**

**_Waring! Panic Attaches, Self Harm, _****_Bullying, Homophobic People, Abuse, A tinny bit of sexual assault, Maybe? And probably other stuff. _**

**_Song: Hurt by Christina Aguilera _**

_**p.s. Feel free to point out any grammar/spelling mistakes :)**_

_**Love y'll! xoxoxo ENJOY!**_

* * *

_Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face  
You told me how proud you were but I walked away  
If only I knew what I know today  
Ooh ooh_

* * *

POV: Cas

*Thud * There was the god damned book again. I picked it up and looked at the cover to find what wonderful novel had been thrown at me this morning. I found that it was one of Micheal's art books. "Come on freak, wake up." And then my door slammed,

"Castiel don't slam your door or I will take it off." My fathers voice came down the hall. I rolled my eyes. How come he notices when my lights on at two in the morning but not when my fucking brother throws a book at my face every morning. I picked up my phone to see that I had a new text. My heart froze when I saw that it was from Alastair, I unlocked my phone, 'Freak!' Was all it said. I lay back down and pulled the covers over my head. About fifteen minutes latter my alarm went off. I ignored it. After my alarm went off again there was a soft knock on my door, "Cassie?" It was Gabe. He knocked again, I ignored him and pulled the covers even farther up. I was grateful when the knocking went away. However it returned a few minutes latter. "Cassie? You awake?" Still I ignored them. I herd voices outside my door but tuned them out. "Cassie?" I herd a little louder. Luke must have opened the door. "Cassie... don't do this again..." There were footsteps and then wight on my bed. "Come on get up!" Luke said tugging at my covers. I had a good grip that prevented him from taking them away. "Let me see that beautiful face of yours!" I could tell he was getting frustrated with me but all I wanted to do was disappear. "Castiel! What the hell happened?" Luke snapped frustrated, I herd my phone buzz again, and then again. Some days Alastair would just repeatedly send me texts saying Freak, He would fill my phones memory. I would have hundreds of text from him, they would change slightly, His words filled my mind day and night. _Freak, cutter, Faget, emo, Piece of shit. _My phone didn't stop buzzing, "What the hell? Is someone calling you?" Luke exclaimed, I herd him move and pick up my phone. I felt him tense as he read the name on my phone screen. "Cassie, talk to me!" Luke ripped my covers off when I wasn't prepared. Luke almost went flying as he was expecting a fight. I angrily tuned my back to him and faced the wall.

"Castiel!" Luke said, I covered my ears, trying to bloke out the world. He pulled at my arms, trying to get me to listen to him. As much as I wished that I could bloke out all the sounds but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't. I herd another knock on my door. "Castiel? You have to go to school." I herd my dads voice. "It's fine father! I'll get him," Luke's voice ,

"What's going on?" My dad asked him,

"It's nothing."

"No Lucifer! Tell me what is going on."

"I said I've got it!" Luke yelled at dad as he put a hand on my shoulder trying to comfort me.

"What the hell happened?" my dad said, I could feel his eyes on me.

"Leave us the fuck alone!" Luke shouted, I couldn't take this anymore, I didn't want to live, I didn't want to die I just wanted to disappear. Just completely vanish for the earth. I whimpered and pushed my hands as far on my ears as I could. Luke's grip tightened on my shoulder.

"Lucifer!" My dad snapped in a warning tone,

"No! You do not get to do this right now! Castiel needs me, so I'll have to deal with your shit another day!"

_ "_He is going to school today! Rather I have to drag him out of bed and take him like that or not." My dad shouted before he walked out of my room,

"Cassie?" Luke asked in a soft voice, I moaned in response

"Come on Cassie, talk to me."

"No," I whispered.

"Tell me what's wrong,"

"Everything!"

"Do you want to stay home today?"

"No you herd dad. He'll get really mad if I skip."

"Alright, I'll drive you so you have time to shower and eat." I nodded even tho I had no plan to eat anything. I still wanted to disappear.

* * *

_I would hold you in my arms  
I would take the pain away  
Thank you for all you've done  
Forgive all your mistakes._

_There's nothing I wouldn't do  
To hear your voice again.  
Sometimes I wanna call you but I know you won't be there_

* * *

POV: Dean

"Sam! Get your ass down here! Where going to be late." Sam's heavy footsteps thudded down the stairs. "What the hell were you doing up there? Your makeup?" I asked him annoyed,

"Stop being such an ass Dean," Sam spat at me walking to the door. I rolled my eyes and followed him to the impala. Once we had climbed in I was speeding to Sam's school.

"See ya Samantha,"

"Jerk!"

"Bitch!" Sam tried to hid his smile as he walked off into the building.

When I arrived at school I texted Cas to see where he was at. He texted that he was running late this morning. _That's weird I thought I saw Anna, _ I thought to myself. I shrugged it off and went to my first class. About half way through my class before lunch I got a text from Cas, _'Lunch?' _

_ 'Yes of course! Where do you want to meet at?' _

_ 'Library?' _

_ 'Sounds good!' _After the text from Cas I couldn't seem to focus. The rest of class went by extremely slowly. I waited anxiously for the bell to ring. The second it did I was out of my seat, out the door and walking towards the library. When I got there Cas was already standing there, leaning against the wall searching through his bag with a frown on his face.

"Why the long face?" I asked,

_ "_Oh hey," He said smiling up at me, "I seemed to have misplaced the book I've been reading."

"Oh! I think I might have it!" He looked at me very confused, "You dropped it. In class when you tripped. The other day. I grabbed it and I guess I've forgotten to give it back."

"Thank you Dean." He said his smile widening.

"If you want we can stop by my locker on the way to the cafeteria."

"Dean... I said no Cafeteria." he said his smile falling.

"Right, sorry! Where are we eating then?"

"Follow me." He said and then started to walk off. I had to jog to catch up to him. "Where are we going?" I couldn't help but asking.

"You'll see." He said smiling again.

Cas continue to walk until we came across an open door. He pulled me through and then shut the door behind us.

"What are you doing?" I asked with a laugh.

"come'ere," He grabbed the front of my jacket and pulled me close.

"Cas?" I questioned,

"Mmhm?" He took a step closer and placed a hand on either side of my face. He looked up at me, blinking innocently.

"We're at school,"

"So?"

"What if someone see us?"

"Dean the doors closed."

"Still..."

"If you don't want to that's fine we don't have to." he said stepping back slightly,

"I just... I... I don't want to risk it."

"Yeah. Your probably right."

"Are you mad?" the words fell out of my mouth before I could stop them,  
"Dean..." Cas said, tilting his head to the side ever so slightly. "I'm not mad, why would I be?" He said quickly stepping in and kissing me. His lips barely touching mine. He then went and sat down in the back of the class room. For the first time sense we entered the room I looked around. "Where are we?" I asked not being able to place the class room. "The art room." He said with a slight smile. "Why are we here?" I asked genuinely curious.

"I always come here. I have sense I was a freshmen."

"Why?" I asked sitting down on the floor next to him.

"The cafeteria was hell for me. It was the worst part of my day, and that was saying something."

"That sucks man," I said not really knowing what to say.

"It's whatever. When the weather gets warmer I go under the big oak outside."

"Mmmm, That sounds nice right about now!"

"Yeah..." He said with a distant look on his face.

"You okay?" I asked, When he didn't acknowledge me I placed a hand on his shoulder. He jumped violently,

"Woah!" I exclaimed jumping back,

"Sorry," he muttered. I looked at him. I really looked at him, we locked eyes and I looked into his soul. The poor guy goes through so much and he just doesn't seem to give up. He so nice and everyone treats him like crap. I don't understand why people could do that. I guess they're not around him enough to know who he really is.

"You never answered me." I said slowly moving slightly closer,

"What?"

"Are you okay?" I asked again moving even closer and placing a hand on the base of his neck,

"Yeah, I'm fine,"

"Sometimes I don't believe you when you say that."

"Dean... I'm fine. Really!" he said moving a hand up to cover the mine on his neck. We both went silent for a while. I only broke the silence when that bell rang and we went to stand.

"Hey, you wanna go out tonight?"

"Yeah that would be fun." he said his face lighting up slightly,

"Okay then, I'll meet you at the front door after school."

"Sounds good." He smiled and walked off.

I stood with my back against the wall. Leg bent at a seventy five degree angle. Waiting for Cas. When he walked out off the door he looked slightly troubled. I frowned. He looked that way a lot. And I loved his smile so much. especially the one where his eyes smiled too. I was going to ask him about it but when he saw me his face lit up so I pushed it to the back of my mind.

"Hey," He whispered when he got close.

"Hi," he kept coming forward until he was just inside the lines of a friend, which is what we were at school. "So I was thinking that we would go out for coffee but first I have to pick up Sammy and bring him home. That sound okay?"

"Sounds good to me." Together we walked to Baby. I ran a hand across her hood like I did ever day but that's when a strange voice spoke,

"Nice ride Winchester." I turned to look at whoever was talking, to find Cas frozen in place, hand on the handle. His eye distant and the happy that wasn't there often switched back to fear and his knuckles were going white from gripping the door so tightly. I looked over at him questioningly however he didn't notice. I did see that his breathing had picked up slightly. "Thanks," I mumbled and then went to make my way in the car. I pulled the door handle and opened the door. I looked up and when I saw that Cas hadn't moved I stopped. "You coming?" I asked him,

"You're going with him?" Alastair asked, Cas' shoulder tensed, "What are you going to turn him gay too? Do you really wanna kill someone else?" I had looked towards Alastair when he was talking but now I looked back at Cas and he looked like he was about to run. I had know clue what he was talking about but I had to step in.

"That's enough Alastair!" I nearly yelled, "Cas get in the car," I then said much more gently. Cas pulled the door open and slid in. I walked over to Alastair covering the short distance between us in a few quick strides. "You will leave him the fuck alone or I will kick your sorry ass!" He rolled his eyes at my threat that he was clearly not taking seriously.

"Whatever Winchester your taking your life in your own hands then. Don't say I didn't warn you." He said turning and walking off with a dismissive wave.

I walked back around to the drivers side and climbed in. Cas was looking down at his lap playing with his folded hands. His eyes were glossy and he was violently shaking. I put the keys in the ignition and started up the impala. I pulled out of the school parking lot. When I was about a minute down the rode I looked over at Cas. He was still shaking and it looking like some of the tears may have overflown. "C'mere," I said extending my hand towards him. He shook his head and continued to stare at his hands. "Cas come here." I said again taking my eyes off the rode for a second to look at him. "No..." He whispered almost too quietly for me to hear him. "Cas get you ass over here! Or I will stop this car and drag it over here." He slowly looked up to see if I was serious. He then moved ever so slightly towards me. "Closer!" he moved a little closer, "Closer!" he moved a little closer so we were sitting right next to each other. I wrapped my arm around him and gently kissed his temple.

* * *

_Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do  
And I've hurt myself by hurting you_

_Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit  
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss  
And it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this, ooh, whoa_

* * *

POV: Castiel

Dean pulled into the middle school's parking lot. He had one arm wrapped around me and the other on the steering wheel. I could feel the warmth radiating off of him. The warmth seeped into me making me feel warmer then I had in a long time. As he pulled the impala up in front of the school I reluctantly moved away from him again. He gave me what appeared to be a thankful smile. I smiled back. I don't know why, but it hurt. I know that all this is new and everything. And I totally understand why he doesn't want his brother to know and I'm the one that moved away. But still it hurt.

A young boy climbed in the back seat. He looked similar to Dean but at the same time nothing like him.

"Hey bitch,"

"Jerk," Dean started the Impala up again and headed out of the parking lot. Sam talked the entire ride to their house about school and this girl he had been taking to. When Dean pulled up outside Sam jumped out with a "see you latter Dean, bye Cas." we waved goodbye and Dean started driving again.

When we were far enough away I glanced over to Dean. I looked back out the window and repeated this action three of four times before Dean noticed. He moved his arm up so that it was resting along the back of the seat. I moved in a little bit, wanting his warmth again. He looked over to me and gave me a small head nod. I eagerly moved closer and tucked myself back in to his side. I rested my head on his shoulder. I sighed in contentment, my eyes seemed to get heavier and heavier and soon I found it hard to keep them open. I let them close with the thought of _I'll just rest me eyes_.

Something was shaking me, I batted at it trying to get it to go away. I was warm and comfortable and I did not want to get up! This was the best I've slept in months, possibly years. The shaking didn't go away and I gave a frustrated snort and batted at it again. Then there were lips pressed to my forehead and suddenly I was very awake.

_Lips were pressed against my head pulling me from my sleep. I smiled and nuzzled into Balthazar. "Hello lovely," He said in his slight french accent. "Hey," I smiled at him, pulling his face near I kissed him on the lips. "You fell asleep again,"_

_ "I know, sorry!"_

_ "You fall asleep whenever I turn the TV on."_

_ "Sorry,"_

_ "No, it's cute,"_

_ "It's just all the stuff that's been going on at home lately. I haven't been able to get much sleep."_

_ "Love..." he said in a pitying voice. _

_ "It's nothing babe, don't worry about it." I said pulling him into another kiss._

_ "You can't distract me that easily." _

_ "Damn," I muttered under my breath. _

_ "You know you can talk to me right?" _

_ "Of course I know that!"_

_ "then why do you never?" _

_ "I don't... I guess it's just cause you have so much going on and you don't need my shit too!" _

_ "Love we've been together for a year. I want you to talk to me."_

_ "But you don't need it. Your getting enough shit at school,"_

_ "Yeah well at least my brothers aren't beating me and my father isn't ignoring me,"_

_ "It doesn't matter that much," I said running my hand through his hair, "It's getting better,"_

_ "That's not what the bruises say,"_

_ "My dad actually talked to me last night," _

_ "What'd he say?" I closed my eyes. Me and my damn mouth, I should have learned to keep it shut by now,_

_ "He called me a worthless piece of shit... But it's a start," I said willing the tears to go away._

_ "Oh honey!" Balthazar said pulling me closer, pressing me into his chest. Before I could stop them the tears fell from my eyes. There was a knock on the door. _

_ "Come on in," Balthazar said. I pushed my face farther in to his chest so the person entering wouldn't see my tear stained face._

_ "Bro, what do ya want me to make for dinner? Alastair said. _

_ "Ah, whatever works is fine with me." _

_ "Cassie? Are you staying?" I shrugged not knowing what to say. _

_ "Love?" Balthazar questioned. There was a wight next to me on the bed and then a hand was rubbing my back. When I looked up I saw that it was Alastair _

_ "Are you okay?" He asked me concerned. I nodded even though the three of us all knew it was a lie. _

_ "Would you like to stay for dinner?" _

_ "No. I should go home." _

_ After kissing Balthazar goodbye I started my short walk home. When I had gotten about half way home the sky decided to open up and was dumping buckets of water on me. By the time I had made it home I was drenched to the bone and shivering violently. I stood outside the front door listening to my parents scream at each other. There was a crash as I quietly let myself in. I started to walk up the stairs to go hide in my room and avoid the whole dinner situation that was happening in the dinning room. I was half way up the stairs when Zach came running down, his shoulder colliding with mine. The force knocked me backwards and I fell back down the stairs hitting my head hard on the last step. I saw stars and my head immediately started to pound._

_ "Castiel is that you?" My mothers voice called from the dinning room._

_ "Yeah," I said trying to sit up. _

_ "Come in here!" I closed my eyes and looked up so far that it started to hurt. I slowly stood up and started to walk to her, _

_ "Yes?" I asked leaning against the door frame. _

_ "Look at your father! Look at how upset you have made him with your choices! This is not the man I married and it is all your fault!" She yelled not even seeming to notice that I was soaking wet and blood was dipping from my nose. She then stormed out of the house and my dad grabbed a bottle of whiskey and went to his room. I went upstairs and collapsed onto my bed. _

_ "Cassie are you home?" Luke's voice ran through to hall._

_ "Yeah,"_

"Cas? Hey? You with e buddy?" Dean's hand was on my shoulder, his grip tight enough to start to hurt.

"Yeah, Sorry," I said still thinking about the flashback. God I missed him.

"You don't really seem like your all the way here."

"Just thinking,"

"You wanna go get coffee?"

"Yeah," I said looking him in the eyes and smiling.

We walked into Stay Awake Coffee and got in line,

"What are you getting?" Dean asked me.

"um, I'm not sure yet. What about you?"

"I'll probably get a Mocha,"

"Mm, that sounds good maybe I'll get that too. "

"Do you wanna go find a seat and I'll order?"

"Sure," I let go of his hand that I didn't even relies I was holding and walked to the back corner of the coffee shop where there was an empty table. A few minutes latter Dean joined me holding to large mugs of mocha and a giant steaming chocolate chip cookie.

* * *

_Would you tell me I was wrong?  
Would you help me understand?  
Are you looking down upon me?  
Are you proud of who I am?_

_There's nothing I wouldn't do  
To have just one more chance  
To look into your eyes and see you looking back_

* * *

POV: Dean

I stood in line waiting to order watching Cas walk away. Something was definitely up with him. I know he's had a tough time, I'm sure I don't even know the half of it. When I got up to the counter the girl behind it gave me a flirty smile.

"What can I get started for ya?"

"Um, two large mocha's and a chocolate chip cookie."

"Sure thing," She said with another smile. I didn't even think twice about. I normally would have tried to get her number and maybe hook up with her. But right now the only person I wanna be with is Cas. Once I had gotten my order I walked to the back of the Coffee shop and placed a mug in front of Cas, "Here ya go," I said smiling at him,

"Thanks," He said instantly warping his hands around the warm mug.

"Oh and the cookie is to share," I said placing it in between us.

"Thank you Dean," I loved to watch the way his face just lit up randomly.

We sat there in silence for a few minutes. Just enjoying each others company,

"Cas? Can I ask you something?"

"Yeah sure, what's up?" He said his big blue eyes staring into my sole.

"What were you thinking about earlier?"

"Oh. Um. That..."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to,"

"I guess I just was remembering something from the past," His eyes had gone from their shinny blue to somewhat of a haunted one.

"Thanks for telling me," I didn't want to push him into telling me something that he didn't want to. He was staring down into his mug, that distant look was on his face again.

"Hey," I said reaching across the table and tilting his chin up so he had to look at me, "Just forget about whatever it was you were thinking about. Be here. Be with me." He smiled up at me, it was a somewhat sad smile but it was a smile nonetheless.

"Sounds like a plan."

I broke off a bite of the cookie and placed the sugary chocolate in my mouth.

"You and your brother seem to get along really well." He stated,

"Yeah most of the time we do. I'm mean we're brothers sometimes we act like it but for the most part we're good."

"Well that's always nice."

_ "_Yeah, we have too, we're on our own a lot. Our dad is never home and my mom well yeah. So I have to take care of him. And that means we can't fight that much."

"Well I would die to have me and my siblings get along like we used too."

"Why don't you?" I asked, "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"It used to be amazing. We all got along. In fact we were kinda famous for the whole family getting along perfectly."

"What happened? To make it so you don't get along?"

"Um... Well after my mom left the rest of the family blamed it on me and sense then they have kinda sorta hated me."

"Why would they blame you for her leaving?"

"Because it's my fault."

"How so?" I questioned quietly so that the people a few tables over wouldn't be able to hear.

He looked down into his mug, "Well she left because I'm gay."

"What? Why would she do that?"

"Because being gay is wrong, I am wrong. I shouldn't be alive."

"Whoa! Don't ever say that! You have every damn right to be. Just as much as she does or me even the people a over there," I said pointing a thumb over my shoulder. "Cas, I don't know much about you. But I feel closer to you then I do my whole family. I don't want to scare you off, because I really fucking like you. But I don't do commitment, I don't do relationships, I don't do this," I gestured my hands in between us, "but for you, for you I want to do it. Hell I'm sitting here and I'm loving every single minute of it. I'm not just sitting here going through the motions for sex, I'm sitting here because when I'm around you, you make me feel like the most amazing person in the world. I love your smile and I wish you would smile more. Your eyes shine with the brilliance that I can see you have. So don't you ever, EVER say you shouldn't be alive. Okay?"

"Sorry,"

We both stayed silent for a little while just sipping our mocha's I broke off another piece of cookie and realized that Cas hadn't eaten any so instead of eating it myself I reached across the table and feed it to Cas. He seemed a bit unsure but ate it anyway. As we headed outside after finishing our mocha's and the cookie I slung my arm around Cas' shoulders and pulled him close. I really wished he would stop flinching whenever I touched him. We walked up to the car and I opened his door for him. He climbed in with a mouthed "Thank you". I got in the drivers side and started to drive.

* * *

_Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do  
And I've hurt myself, oh, oh, oh._

_If I had just one more day  
I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you've been away_

* * *

POV: Castiel

We passed the road that goes to my house which is where I had assumed we were going next. "Hey, Dean?"

"Yeah what's up Cas?"

"Where are we going?"

"What'd ya mean?"

"We just passed the road to my house."

"Oh, yeah. I thought that we could drive around for a little bit. Is that okay?"

"Of course," I said grinning. I really wanted to be closer to him but I wasn't sure if it was okay. I sat there for several minutes fighting with the voice in my head that was telling me all the reasons why I shouldn't move closer. Finely I just decided to move closer. I held my breath and slid across the seat closer to Dean. He glanced over and smiled down at me as I rested my head on his shoulder. He took a hand off the steering wheel, put his hand in mine and rested it on my lap.

"Hey Cas?" I looked up at him expecting him to continue. "Your not breathing."

"Wha- oh," I said and took a rather large breath.

"Yeah, I guess I kinda forgot..."

"How do you forget to breath?"

"_It's easy when you don't want to be breathing in the first place," I thought to myself._

"I guess I just kinda forget to sometimes... I don't know," Is what I actually said.

We pulled into and an empty field. The grass wasn't very high and most of the field was wild flowers. He got out and walked around the car to open the door for me. I immediately climbed out to get a better look.

"Dean, this is gorgeous!" I gasped.

"I thought you might like it," He said smiling and kissed me. He brought his hand up and put It on the base of my head and wrapped his other arm around my back and pulled me closer so that our chests were touching. I placed a hand on his cheek and the other on his waist and inhaled his sent. Never wanting to forget it. He broke the kiss apart and walked to the impala's trunk.

"What are you doing?"

"Getting a blanket," He said retrieving what he said he was. He walked back past me, Kissing me again on the way by. He lied the blanket down on the hood of the impala and hopped up on the hood.

"come on," He said waving me over. I smiled and walked over hopping up on the hood. We lied down, I rested my head on his shoulder as he wrapped me in his arms. My mind driffted off in to thought. It wondered back to the parking lot of the coffee shop and then father.

_ "Castiel!" My father yelled from his room. Knowing what was best for me I quickly stood up and walked to his room. "Look at what you have done!" I looked towards where he was gesturing on the floor to see my mothers unconscious bloodied body. Tears crept into my eyes. "How could you do this to your own mother! You ungrateful little shit! She suffered enough pain giving birth to you! Why must you chose to put her through this now!" He screeched at the top of his lungs. _

_ I ran out of their room, out of the house, I didn't stop running until I was standing in front of Balthazar's house. Knowing that at this ungodly hour know one would be awake I quickly pulled the spare key out from under the welcome mat and unlocked the door. After placing the key back where it belonged I started for Balthazar's room. A light switched on, "Castiel?" Alistair asked confused. _

_ "I'm sorry. Did I wake you?" _

_ "No I had just gotten a glass of water. What are you doing here?" _

_ "Couldn't stay at home any longer." _

_He nodded and went back into his room. I quietly opened Zar's room and slipped inside. "Are you awake?" I questioned._

_ "I am now. What's up love?" He said sitting up tiredly. _

_ "Couldn't be at home any longer."_

_ "Something happen?"_

_ "No..."_

_ "That's a lie."_

_ "Yeah."_

_ "Why do you lie to me like that?"_

_ "I don't know,"_

_ "Tell me what happened," He said patting the bed beside him. I slowly walked over still shivering from the cool night air. _

_ "Love... you're freezing!"_

_ "It's cold out."_

_ "Why didn't you put of a jacket?"_

_ "I had to get out," _

_ "why?" _

_ "Because my dad started yelling at me for hurting my mom but I didn't even touch her! It was all him! He blames me when he beats the crap out of her! He blames me because I'm gay! And no one fucking knew until we came out! And I didn't even want to! You were the one that said it would be okay! That nothing would change! It's all your fucking fault!" _

_ I regretted saying it as soon as it had left my mouth. Balthazar withdrew himself. He took the comforting hand off my back and shifted closer to the wall._

_ "Zar! I am so sorry!"_

_ "No! It's good to know how you really feel!" _

_ "I said I'm sorry. It's not your fault and I never should have said that! I'm sorry!"_

_ There was a knock on the door and Alistair came in. _

_ "Cas, maybe it's best if you don't stay here tonight." _

_ I looked pleadingly back and forth between Balthazar and Alistair. Balthazar turned his head and avoided eye contact. _

_ "Yeah... maybe your right." I said feeling worse than when I had come here. I got up and started walking towards the door. "Love?" I turned around surprised that he still called me that._

_ "Come here," I did as he asked and walked over towards him. "Come back in the morning. We can talk than." He pulled me down and kissed me before I walked out. Making me feel about ten times worse then I thought ever possible. _

It had been a couple of hours and the sun was just starting to set when Dean started talking. "Cas? Can I ask you somethin'?"

"Sure."

"Do you promise to answer my truthfully?"

"Yeah sure."

"Really?"

"Yes. Dean I promise to answer truthfully."

"Are you okay?"

"That's a loaded question... what do you mean?"

"I don't know. Just sometimes it doesn't really seem like your really here. You don't have to answer. Never mind it was a stupid question."

"Dean, there are no such thing as stupid questions."

"Yeah..."

"Look, Dean. There are a lot of things you don't know about me. I've never told anyone and I'm not ready to, I'm not sure when I will be. Heck I don't even know if I'll ever be. I totally understand If you don't want to be around me anymore."

"Do you steal pie?"

"No..."

"Then we can work it out. Cas I really like you and I'm here. For however long you'll let me."

He kissed me on the forehead and we went back to watching the sunset. "You didn't answer my question..." He said about five minuets latter.

"Right now. Yeah I'm doing okay."

I don't know how he took that as an answer because he leaned over and kissed my full of emotion. I ran a hand up his back and through his hair, making it stick up funnily in all directions.

"Mmm, that feels good." He said moving to kiss my neck. I gave a chuckle

"You're like my cat."

"I'm good with that, as long as you don't start calling me your pussy." At that comment I started laughing out loud. "You like that eh?" He said. Before I could answer he started sucking on my neck and distracted me. I moved my other hand and slid it up his shirt. Following his spine up to his shoulder blades and then bringing it down across his ribs. He shivered at my touch and ran his hand up through my hair messing it up even more then normal.

"Dean," I gave him a warning.

"Mmhm?" He moved back to kissing my lips. Turning the kiss from soft and full of emotion to hard and needy.

"Dean," I said again, or at least tried to say through a mouthful of Dean. He didn't answer, he just kissed me harder and slid his hand under my shirt. His hands danced across the bruises covering my stomach and sides.

"Dean!" I wiper/gasped. He didn't seem to notice that I was in pain because he shifted so more of his weight was on top of me. Suddenly it wasn't Dean on top of me. It was Ezekiel.

"Get off! Get off! Get off!" I chanted.

Dean scrambled to get off of me, "Whoa, Cas? What's wrong? Did I hurt you? Cas?" He asked well I pushed my self so far away from him that I accidentally pushed myself off the car. Laying on the ground and struggling to keep my breath at a normal pace images started flooding into my mind. Dean's head appeared over the side of the impalas hood. He looked down at me laying flat on my back. "Cas?" He questioned "You okay?"

I didn't know what to do. Because I was in no shape or form "okay" I slowly shook my head and pressed the palms of my hands into my eyes. Dean quickly slid off the hood and crouched down next to me. My breath became even quicker. Dean slowly reached out a hand and toughed my shoulder. I jumped away from it and quickly stood -getting dizzy- my legs threatened to give way. Dean reacted quickly and shoot out his hands to stabilize me.

"No!" I shouted pushing Dean away from me.

"Cas? What's wrong?" He asked moving closer again.

"Get away!" I pushed him again, this time harder making him stumble backwards a few steps, "You can't see me like this!" I shouted at him and started walking away into the field.

"Cas! Where are you going?"

"I don't know Dean! Anywhere but here!" I yelled back walking faster.

"Fine than I'm coming!"

"The whole point of me leaving is so that you don't see me like this!"

"Like what! In pain? I'm not going to let you go through that alone! Okay? I'm coming and that's not an option!"

"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!" I tried to shove him away again but instead ended up weakly hitting him in the chest and than falling forward as everything became to much. Tears streamed down my face as my knees finely gave way. Dean caught me a lowered me to the ground wrapped in his embrace. He slowly rocked me back and forth, arms strongly wrapped around me. He whispered stories of nothing, and let his gentle, calm, soothing voice float through the air.

* * *

_Oh, it's dangerous  
It's so out of line  
To try and turn back time_

_I'm sorry for blaming you for everything I just couldn't do  
And I've hurt myself by hurting you_

* * *

_**I hope you enjoyed! **_


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